Can we say genius? Hmmmm

Post from: She Knows Best

Mountain man

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

*SOURCE

Can we just say, OUCH? I don’t blame the Mountain Man… Hehehehe.

Post from: She Knows Best

Well, Bubba’s old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he took her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, “Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son!”

This excited Bubba, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, “Hold on, son! We ain’t finished yet!” The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, “Hey, Bubba! Hey, you got you a daughter!” Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor says, “Hold on, we ain’t finished!” The doctor then delivered another boy. He said, “Bubba, you just had another boy! But don’t worry, ’cause that’s it!”

So, Bubba and his wife went home with the three children. When they got home, they sat down and began talking. Bubba said, “Mama, you remember that night that we ran out of Vaseline and had to use that 3-in-1 Oil?” She said, “Yeah, I do.” Bubba said, “Well, it’s a good thing we didn’t use no WD-40!”

*SOURCE

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Post from: She Knows Best

PS: I’m a woman so I know it works . Click “Read More” to read the guide.

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth to a woman and he takes his very life into his own hands.

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo it today.
SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

*SOURCE

Hope you guys learned something, Happy Monday!

*Image © Dexie Wharton 2008 / She Knows Best

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Post from: She Knows Best

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is
installing new “Drive-through” teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate  steps for your gender.”

MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

*SOURCE

Happy Monday!!

Post from: She Knows Best

Aaron – ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Adam – cute, funny, chicks dig him, well hung but very caring.
Adrian – usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Alan – shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex – cute and short but a liar and a cheat.
Amir – Dirty, Smelly, Pecker is minuscule.
Andy – boring and has a small pecker.
Andrew – gay and still has a small pecker.
Antonio – has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain.
Anthony – great guy and kind to all girls, smells of weed.
Arnold – loser.
Arthur – hung like a slave and celibate.
Barry – lights fires, pinches girls bottoms and is well hung.
Ben – funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.
Bob – quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.
Brad – thinks everyone likes him…but they don’t.
Brandon – good looking but uses girls.
Brendan – quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett – world wide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian – mean and only thinks of himself, no he’s not the Messiah he’s just a naughty boy.
Bryan – sexy, but stupid – can’t spell.
Bronsen – annoying and never grows up – has a stupid name.
Bruce – stinks bad and thinks everyone else’s name is also Bruce.
Bryce – fun to be with and will make you laugh, you’ll kill him within a week.
Calvin – immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron – Australian
Carl – thinks he’s funny…he’s not, falls asleep during sex.
Carson – fun to be around and really sensitive.
Chad – cute, sensitive and very studly – only found in American movies no real person has that name.
Charles – can’t trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris – can’t pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian – very sexy and seductive (think ‘Legends of the Fall’).
Clark – hilarious and always in trouble, problem with ‘jailbait’.
Cliff – very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.
Cole – nice, funny, and fun to be around.
Con – lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory – funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.
Craig – tries to fit in – he never does.
Cyril – well, Cyril.
Damon – total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan – quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Dane – weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel – enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darren – charming , but sleeps with men.
Daryl – smells bad, has no real mates
David – total wanker – hated by all.
Dave – extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter – i.e. a wanker.
Dean – full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dennis – either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek – has a great sense of humour, and blow-up doll collection.
Dominic – hilarious and will do anything to please.
Don – dickhead.
Doug – has a greasy face, drinking problem and farts.
Drew – bad-arse losers who never shuts up.
Dylan – horny bastard, who can’t sing.
Dwayne – cool guy to be around if you can handle his name.
Eddie – wants too many chicks he’ll never get cos he’s an arsehole.
Emrys – Load mouth gobby Shitte.
Elliott – Full of himself

Eric – shy.
Erik – funny and treats girls how he wants to be treated.
Evan – a little slow but sweet, sexy, and model mental patient.
Frank – “different” – missing DNA – favours girls named Lucy.
Gareth – sweet but dresses too good to be straight.
Gary – drug addict but willing to share.
Gavin – likes bondage, S&M with other men.
Geoff – prefers golf to sex and war to peace.
George – barman who drinks more than he serves.
Glen – the sweetest guy – really down to earth
Greame – very hard to understand, likes group sex
Graham – will screw anything
Grant – HORNY! but so sweet and you can talk to him about anything.
Greg – really sweet and feels sorry for himself.
Guy – Covers his back, has a small dick.
Harvey – cute, but addicted to sex and/or drugs.
Hathem – smooth, but very manipulative, not to be trusted around young girls.
Haydn – tries hard.
Howard – likes small-breasted women and pornography (doesn’t everybody!).
Ian – really popular but knows all the girls want him…yeh right!!!
Jake – shy and sweet but a slut when drunk.
Jamie – Scum of the Earth.
James – built like a horse.
Jay – very sweet when you get to know him well.
Jeff – really ugly.
Jerome – gay, but very unhappy.
Jeremy – loud and thinks that he’s all that he says he is.
Jesse – unpopular and needs to move on.
Jack – stupid but hot. Always alright.
Jim – sweet, has fantasies of love and affection.
Joe – built like a bear, sexy but tends to lose his head.
Joel – arse.
John – has no friends or life – tends to kill small animals.
Jonathon – think he’s good – he’s shit.
Jordan – sexy but weird in bed.
Jose – hot boy with a love of hermaphrodites.
Josh – full of himself, fun.
Junior – hotty and totally good at football.
Justin – aggravating, insecure & jealous.
Kain – the sexiest guy alive but very stuck up.
Kevin – Always attracts really fit girlfriends also has a large penis, really nice to women.
Keith – good person to talk to when you have a problem – his is worse.
Kenneth – very, very…anything you want him to be.
Kim – very understanding and caring, feels lost in Korea.
Kurt – can kick anyone’s arse, likes small boys.
Ky – see Kain.
Kyle – hornball who eats too many cornchips.
Larry – cute but wannabe player with big arse.
Laurey – short and funny looking.
Lee – girl dressed up as a boy, total arse bandit.
Lewis – lonely, sad git, bit of a tosser.
Lyndon – can always be found in bed or in the pub.
Liam – loud mouthed arsehole, normally found in rock bands and pubs.
Lorenzo – fine and dresses in stolen gold.
Lucas – fat loser that dates other men.
Luke – seems to be sweet – Luke Solomons exactly!
Malcolm – tall man who tends to lose his trousers.
Marc – Fantasises about pretty lights, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke – Tries to tell everyone
Mark – wished girls liked him for who he is, not his great looks, mouthy bastard though.
Michael – very good looking but he’ll do anything for a girl, which is totally sweet.
Mick – always drunk, tendency for drug abuse.
Mitchell – the ugliest dog and he don’t get any.
Mohammed – Small Penis
Nathan – stupid as hell, and tends to make others feel dumb.
Nick – HORNY! but really nice – can’t get past the missionary position though.
Neil – sweet and will do anything in this world for you, great in bed.
Noel – an absolute diamond, sexy, funny and faultless….apart from when it comes to sorting out contents insurance for his home
Oliver – likes men but is in denial.
Oscar – loser, a good name for a dog.
Owen – cute gay guy who is immature, and sings Welsh songs.
Patrick – cool, calm and handsome, a quality only found in pricks.
Paul – drunk, drunk, drunk.
Peter – cutie but very shy, makes women feel like virgins.
Phillip – stupid idiot who wishes he were cool.
Rashpal – C@@t
Reagen – …strange.
Rhys – great lover but had his mind stolen by aliens a long,long time ago.
Richard – cant see his feet balls are to big
Ricky – ugly shithead who everybody hates.
Rikki – see above.
Rob – constantly watches porn.
Roy – total loser and computer genius.
Rupert – arrogant twat who is crap in bed but thinks he is a stud.
Russell – likes to play in the leaves which makes him an arsehole.
Ryan – short but sexy body and even sexier mind.
Sam – wannabe sex machine.
Scott – has serious disabilities.
Sean – has small testicles and no friends.
Seth – so sweet to other people but is a traitor.
Shane – thinks everybody wants to shag him – he’s a virgin.
Shaun – bit of a hard bastard, thinks women love him.
Simon – likes a night out with the lads and curries. Talks bollocks.
Steve – popular and funny when looked at side-on.
Stuart – droll guy with great arse and suicidal tendencies but great in bed.
Tim – hot but a bit strange, can never tell where he is.
Toby – best blow ever.
Tom – cool but can be arrogant.
Tony – hot, sweet, and totally fun to be around.
Travis – fat and horny with the best XXX collection to be found.
Trevor – sweet and funny but sometimes untrustworthy.
Troy – cute and popular.
Taylor – gay.
Warren – cool, homosexual guy.
Wesley – great guy and easy to tolerate.
Will – wishes he were popular.
Zach – sweet and polite and adorable.
Zahid – devious and sly. Not to be trusted.

Don’t worry guys, I don’t think they’re true. I bet my bottom dollar some pissed off Woman wrote the meanings eons and eons ago..LOL. And don’t feel bad, coz there’s also a list of Women’s names with their supposed Real Meanings. I’m pretty sure the same Woman was pissed off against those women on the list to.. heheeh .

Post from: She Knows Best