When Texture Goes Wrong

Fall shoes are all about texture. Beautiful velvet. Plush suede. Croc-embossed leather. But sometimes, texture goes all wrong. I get it that some shoes are created just for shock value, while others are practical for the runway but not the city streets. But these designer shoes for fall are really “too much.” And by too much, I mean too much texture.

Christian Louboutin Rollerball Loafers ($995)
Oh no, Christian Louboutin! What is this monstrosity? Were you intending to make a slipper and it fell into a vat of metal studs? Saks describes this loafer as “rocker-cool.” It’s not any kind of cool in my book.

Image: Saks Fifth Avenue

Dior Hypnotique Lace-Up Ankle Boots ($990)
I actually really wanted to like these. I’m a big fan of the menswear-inspired lace-ups with skinny heels. These booties are doomed by the weird stitching. I am still holding out hope that these Dior ankle boots might look better in person. I’m going to track them down at Saks.

Image: Saks Fifth Avenue

Jimmy Choo Elaphe & Pony Pumps ($1,295)
You too, Jimmy Choo? Hot pink pony hair and “elaphe” skin come together in one strappy hot mess. By the way, elaphe isn’t short for elephant. It is a non-venomous snake, in case you were wondering. I tried imagining how these could possible be attractive. I haven’t come up with anything.

Image: Saks Fifth Avenue