Snarkstress

Kristen Stewart Cleaned Up

The Snarkstress — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:37:18 +0000

While I continue to be underwhelmed by Robert Pattison and his goofy facial expressions, Kristen Stewart is slowly moving up on my list of young stars. When she’s running around in sweats and sneakers she looks like a regular old girl, but I do have to admit that when she cleans up she is impressively gorgeous.

She showed up to the New Moon screening in New York in a short moss green ruffled dress and platform peep toe heels. I can’t say that the color is the best choice for her, but her skin is sooo gorgeous!!! Ladies, pale skin is in so you better start slathering on your sunscreen when you go on vacay this winter! I’m not really feeling the slicked-back ‘do, but the short hair probably doesn’t give her too man options. Am I making excuses for her now? I didn’t even used to like her!!!

Let’s hope she starts to incorporate her good taste in red carpet fashion into her everyday look…

Image: Fame Pictures

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Feast Your Eyes on Robert Pattison

The Snarkstress — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:42:31 +0000

Here you go, ladies…currently the hottest man in the world: the much lusted after Robert Pattison!!! Well, unfortunately for all of you die hard Twilight fans out there, I’m going to have to admit that I’m just not feelin’ this guy. He’s supposed to be super dreamy Edward, but somehow he just looks kind of dorky and scruffy. Am I crazy??? Does anyone else totally not get the obsession with Robert Pattison???

Well, even though I’m not a Team Edward girl I do love the Twilight saga so enjoy your pic of Edward at the premiere of the second movie in the series, New Moon.

I think it’s the expression on his face that continues to bug me…I know he’s going for the chill guy look, but it just makes him look goofy.

Image: INF

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Holly Madison Finally Needs a Real Job

The Snarkstress — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:50:29 +0000

If these are the kind of gigs that Holly Madison is relying on for income these days, perhaps she just needs to just get a day job like the rest of us. Former Girl’s Next Door Hef-obsessed Playboy bunny Holly Madison performed a little grape stomping routine with some sort of I Love Lucy character to celebrate the launch of Beaujolais Nouveau wine in Las Vegas.

What the heck are they wearing and who decided that Holly Madison would be a great person to represent their brand? And how seriously scary is the red-haired creature next to her??? Yikes! I think she’s just tired of sharing the spotlight with other hot blondes and wanted to finally stand out!

Poor Holly…she should try to get her own show like Kendra and Bridget did. I’ve got an idea! Let’s cast her on The Hills! Perfect!

Image: Flynet

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Leighton Meester Really Wants To Be Sexy

The Snarkstress — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:10:52 +0000

I liked it better when I thought Leighton Meester was a real life version of Blair Waldorf. But when she makes raunchy music videos, has rumors of sex tapes, and dresses like a classy stripper when attending events, I just get really disappointed. Why can’t she be more classy in real life?

Leighton aka Blair Waldorf on Gossip Girl made an appearance at the opening of the new American Eagle store in Times Square. She is a beautiful girl, but she went waaay overboard with the attempt at being sexy here. The V-neck down to the belly button with the exposed bra, the super short leather mini, the extreme smoky eyes, and the bright red lipstick are just not a good look.

And let’s not even address the scary look on her face…I’m just going to assume that someone pinched her on the butt because they thought she was working the party.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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I’ve Never Seen Beyonce Like This

The Snarkstress — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:06:19 +0000

Am I out of the loop? Did I somehow miss that Beyonce is now BLONDE?? Before now I would have thought that it was nearly impossible for this singer/dancer/actress extraordinaire to ever look anything less than gorgeous…but somehow she had a complete FLOP while out with hubbie Jay-Z at Mahiki in London last night.

In addition to the blonde hair, I also think the combination of the too-small fedora sitting on the top of her head just doesn’t fit her look and the red lipstick NEEDS to go. The makeup, the hair, the outfit…where did my beautiful Beyonce go???

Let’s just pretend this isn’t Beyonce and we’ll give her another chance.

Image: Zuma Press

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Heidi and Spencer Appear Again

The Snarkstress — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:43:20 +0000

Oh hello Speidi! I thought that perhaps you had tired of your never-ending search for more and more and more publicity and was hoping that you had just scurried away forever. But what have I found? That Heidi and Spencer have returned to the public eye.

Here they are walking in Times Square after an appearance on The Alexa Chung Show. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to laugh at them again as I have so many times before. Why do they keep doing this to themselves? They look soooo incredibly awkward together that no one is buying that they have anything more than a socialite/publicist relationship. Spencer is just Heidi’s publicist right?

Spencer is sporting his signature scary bug eyes, Jimmy Neutron hairstyle, and fake smile. Heidi just looks scared and uncomfortable as her tiny body is being eaten by a large hairy object. Poor sad reality nitwits.

Image: Fame Pictures

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James Franco Doesn’t Clean Up Well

The Snarkstress — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:57:31 +0000

Of all of the beautiful and fashionably dressed people at the MOCA New 30th Anniversary Gala in Los Angeles last night, I had to find the one celebrity who just didn’t pull it together for the red carpet. I am usually a huge James Franco fan…such a cutie in the Batman movies! But yuck… what happened?? I would usually be jealous of the babe on his arm, but in this situation I actually feel sorry for her. He looks dreadful!

James Franco walked the red carpet desperately in need of a haircut, a better suit, and some sunshine. He looks like he just dragged himself up off the couch after a night of partying and didn’t bother to shower or drink coffee before heading out the door. His skin is pale, his hair is greasy and disheveled, and the even the suit was a bad choice.

If this young man wants to have a respectable future in Hollywood, he’s going to need to clean up his act. Or at least clean up his hair.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Kourtney Kardashian is Huge

The Snarkstress — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:19:55 +0000

Okay so it’s kinda hard to hate on a preggers girl…but JEEZ Kourtney Kardashian got HUUUUGE! Is anyone else totally shocked that this tiny little girl could get soooo enormous when she got knocked up??

At first I thought the whole scenario was just a publicity stunt…okay, maybe it still is…but the girl is definitely with child. I’ve also gotta comment on those shoes…seriously preggers girls should not be around town in heels like that. It’s so unnecessary to wear super high heels when we know your feet are swollen and you’re juuuuuust right about to pop.

Ugh I’m kind of tired of keeping up with the Kardashians…they are my ultimate “why are you famous?” girls, but their antics do keep me mildly entertained…

Image: Fame Pictures

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The Beautiful Twilight People

The Snarkstress — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 17:46:14 +0000

So here you go…a picture of the three most obsessed-over young people in the world right now. Do they disappoint? Or do they live up to their hype? Beautiful Twilight stars Robert Pattison, Kristen Stewart, and Taylor Lautner popped up for a photo up in Madrid to promote New Moon. You’ve gotta admit that they are miiiiighty pretty. Ugh I think I have become obsessed…I tried to resist, but it’s so easy to fall into the trap! These kids are everywhere! I will probably be one of those crazy fans standing in line to see the movie on its first week in theaters…

So what do you think? Gorgeous and perfect or over-rated?? I am a big Team Jacob girl, so I have to admit that I gush over Taylor Lautner’s smoldering eyes like every pre-teen girl…but I am a little underwhelmed by Pattison. Isn’t he a bit goofy? Sometimes I rag on Kristen Stewart, but the girl is undeniably beautiful and definitely cleans up well. I just wish she would get rid of that mullet.

So there ya go…enjoy, you psycho Twilight fans (myself included).

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Real Housewives Blonde Gets Electrocuted

The Snarkstress — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:48:04 +0000

Here’s a tip for all of you reality nitwit wanna-be-actresses out there…if you FINALLY get invited to a celebrity studded event and get to walk the red carpet, PLEASE do not look like this!!! Your goal for your first public photo op should not be to end up on the worst dressed list!

Real Housewives of Orange County star Tamra Barney chose the “I just got electrocuted” look when she attended TV Guide Magazine’s Hot List event on Tuesday. Seriously…was her hairstylist playing a trick on her??? Did she not have time to look in a mirror before walking out the door?? Seriously I can’t get over how terrible this is. She looks like she’s bald and wearing a mullet wig.

The silver batwing dress is okay…not dreadful, but it definitely does nothing for the figure that she spends millions of dollars to nip and tuck.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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