Snarkstress

Dannii Minogue’s Date Should Lose The Scarf

The Snarkstress — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:27:44 +0000

Though I haven’t quite made up my mind about whether or not I approve of Danni Minogue’s chocolate minidress for Cheryl Cole’s 26th birthday, I think I am slowly deciding that it’s not so bad and is actually somewhat cute if you look at it the right way. The hair and makeup - also well done.

But…

Image: Flynet Pictures

Why is her date wearing a wee little scarf with that button up black shirt? I don’t even know who that is, nor do I particularly care, but my goodness that scarf is more obnoxious than most male fashion faux pas you see these days. Take off the scarf, he’s actually rather handsome. But with that little accessory hanging around his neck, the whole thing falls to pieces.

[Sidenote: It's always such a shame when a cute skirt wrinkles that badly on the way over. Limos should come equipped with a steam press for such occasions.]

Image: Flynet Pictures

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Mischa Barton Makes A Smart Decision

The Snarkstress — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:35:32 +0000

Oh look. It’s Mischa Barton wearing a bowler hat, too much makeup and a goofy half grin.

Wait, haven’t we all seen this movie before?

That’s right, now I recall this is Mischa Barton’s costume du jour for evenings of excessive boozing and debauchery. Got it. There’s no way we can get around being subjected to her googly eyes and disheveled everything.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Hold on…

I don’t quite believe my eyes, but it seems Mischa has either made a good decision in her drunken stupor, or she has a very good friend close by.

Either way, smart move putting some sunglasses on, Honey.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Ashley Tisdale Looks Like She Is Melting

The Snarkstress — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:17:16 +0000

Ashley Tisdale’s hair looks good, the colors in her outfit are nice and she has accessorized appropriately.

So what’s wrong with this picture?

Oh, that’s right. It’s the fact that it looks like her skirt is being weighed down by rocks and might fall to the ground at any second. The oversize t-shirt is compounding the droopy situation, but really it’s that skirt that is the focus of my concern.

Where you find fabric so determined to touch the ground, I don’t know. But I can’t believe that is any more comfortable to wear than it is flattering to look at.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Emma Watson On The Cover Of British Elle

The Snarkstress — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:16:30 +0000

Emma Watson posed for British Elle looking like quite the little vixen. Looking just about as un-Hermione as you could get, swathed in designer everything and meticulously applied eyeliner (I wonder if Mischa Barton thinks she looks like this at the end of one of her nights on the town), here are her plans for post-Harry Potter life -

“I’m so excited. Living in London, it’s hard to be anonymous. But hopefully, on some campus somewhere, I’ll fade into the background a bit.”

I hope that’s feasible for her, given how that doesn’t always work out for child stars. Though the temptation to walk among people without people knowing exactly who you are and where you were partying last weekend might be great, when that’s all done, here’s hoping Emma returns to the big screen as a newly minted university graduate and adult.

The only thing I wish were different about this cover was the hair. It’s a little too “rats nest” for me. But the rest? Fabulous, Emma.

Image: Splash News

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Lily Allen Looking Disheveled For Dinner

The Snarkstress — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:30:45 +0000

Lily, my dear - what is going on with your makeup?

You meet up for dinner with a guy like Charles Saatchi looking like Mischa Barton applied your eyeliner and (of course) forgot all about lipgloss? And the hair….oh, such potential. A little bit too messy, honey. Hairs are flying left and right because they’re not tucked in properly under that headband (which I will admit, is very cute).

Now, let’s talk about the outfit…which looks like it was borrowed right out of Rihanna’s closet. There are so many patterns and conflicting trends happening here that I’m not quite sure what to say. Your vest is probably what’s bothering me the most - but a close second are those strange squiggly pants.

Nice choice on the blue bag, which I’m assuming is Chanel?

Though I’m glad you have finally taken off those silly wigs, Lily…from the looks of it, we’ve still got a long road back to the top.

Image: Splash News

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Cheryl Cole Manufactures Some Actual Curves

The Snarkstress — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:16:11 +0000

I’m concerned.

When you are so thin that you need to find skirts that come with their own pair of womanly hips, you need to eat a little bit more. Out for some birthday celebrations with her husband, Ashley Cole the footballer, Cheryl Cole looks quite pretty.

Except for the fabric saddlebags filling out the sides of her skirt.

Have we really come to this? First we whittle models down to a sub-zero and now the woman who can barely fill out their negative sized jeans require extra padding to at least look like a little bit like they have a few curves.

Instead of being filled with fabric, I suggest designers start stuffing the sides of their size 0 skirts with chocolate and candy to see if the ladies they are working for can fill out…just a little bit.

Image: Flynet Pictures

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Courtney Love Is Walking In The Rain

The Snarkstress — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:27:09 +0000

We never see much of Courtney Love these days, but it’s pretty well guaranteed when we do…there’s going to be something interesting to talk about.

Even though she can’t seem to keep her hair under control and out of her face, I will say that for as much damage as I’m sure that hair has seen…it’s looking reasonably healthy. It is possible that it’s just greasy, but I will give Courtney the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s been treating her blonde waves to some deep conditioning treatments.

Now the jacket…

Well, you’re caught in the rain on the sidewalks of New York. I can’t say I put that much effort into my raincoat choices either. It’s not my cup of tea, darling. But hopefully it’s keeping you dry.

I am a little bit concerned for how skinny you appear to be under there. The ghastly pale skin is not helping matters much either.

You look like you are on a good path here, Courtney. Maybe with a little time out in the sunshine, you might look almost…normal. But that would be crazy, right?

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Kylie Minogue Does Casual Just Right

The Snarkstress — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:15:56 +0000

Over the years, I’ve developed a serious soft spot for Kylie Minogue. Somehow she has transitioned from over the top, “out there” popstar to elegant and laidback without much visible effort of the shift.

Rarely do you find her walking down the street looking rough or messy - the woman knows how to put together a casual outfit that is both stylish and comfortable. The dress might be boring, if it weren’t for those oversized tinted sunglasses and adorable yellow heels. Even the little mesh bag filled with paperwork fits in is cute (though it is no competition for her beautiful bag).

Yes, if more celebrities could go about their day looking this nonchalant and fabulous, I’m afraid we wouldn’t have much to make fun of about their fashion choices anymore!

Image: Flynet Pictures

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Anna Lynne McCord’s Fake Air Kisses

The Snarkstress — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 20:00:05 +0000

Is there any particular reason Anna Lynne McCord continues to break out the fake air kisses every time we see her on the red carpet? Darling, you are not the most delicate looking creature - in fact you have a certain genetic predisposition to looking extremely mean almost every single way you turn.

On par with the peace sign as the most obnoxious poses one could take when standing in front of a gaggle of photographers, the air kiss is obscenely silly. Most of the time you don’t even seem to be doing it well, Anna Lynne. It looks forced, tacky, and completely unoriginal.

(In all fairness, the fourth photo is from an event called “Kiss For A Cause”, but regardless, not every day is for causes and kisses, my dear.)

Images: INF

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Lets Call It A Truce, Taylor Momsen

The Snarkstress — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 19:15:11 +0000

Alright, Taylor Momsen. It’s clear we’re never going to see eye to eye on a few things. Like combing your hair. But I have to admit that this little dress/boots ensemble you have going on here is kind of cute…partially because you actually look comfortable in your skin and a little more self assured about this style aesthetic.

Where last year it seemed as though you were taking on this new look to make do with Jenny Humphrey’s hair and maximize your new found celebrity status, now I think you are finding a happy balance between grungy makeup and hipster-glam outfits that works for you.

Truce, darling. Keep up the good work.

Image: Splash News

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