It Pains Me to Shred Eva Longoria…But I Must
March 26, 2008 by Liberty Kontranowski
Filed under Actresses, Dresses, Eva Longoria Parker, Fashion Miss, Shoes
Dahlings, I want you to know that I really and truly believe Eva Longoria is one of the hottest tamales in H-wood. She gorgeous, she’s real, she’s fashionable as all hell…usually. But alas, my girl has tripped up, and she’s done it in a big way.
Upon first inspection of this frock, I thought “Ooh, purple. Fun, unexpected. Hoorah!” Then, the daggers in my eyes activated, and began shredding apart Eva’s look at a scary clip. Why? Well…
* The Girls are hiked up at such an unnatural angle, you know she’s got some serious boob-tape going on under there. Youch!
* Because of this odd-cleavage-producing / boring-as-an-informercial neckline (not to mention the lack of shape and details of this dress), Mrs. Parker looks more like she’s stepped out with a fancy-ass purple towel wrapped around her, rather than a funky frock. A sweetheart neckline would’ve helped, as would a dainty necklace or some sort of satin or sparkle at the neckline.
* Finally, the gold shoes. I’m not sure why these bother me so much, since I’m usually an adamant fan of metallic kicks, but these shoes just look totally out of place. Is it the fact that they’re shockingly golden rather than subtly shimmery? Is it the bow? Is it because the heel’s too short? I’m not sure, but I do know they are the wrong choice for this mess of a dress.
So, now that that’s over, I will be heading off to self-medicate at the bar now. I simply hated shredding Eva, dahlings, but today it just had to be done, yanno?
The Snarkstress
I know exactly how you feel. That gold shoes is just all wrong. Too gold and not too high, heh.
My first impression, I see the old Micky D’s purple Grimice. Then, seeing the golden shoes, gag me. And on a good note– since my main hunk is a mighty, mighty wolf from B.C. Central, Go purple and gold!