Snarkstress » awards show

36th Annual Daytime Emmys: Rachel Melvin

The Snarkstress — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:13:02 +0000

All things considered, Rachel Melvin looks like a nice girl. I mean, you’d have to be charming to not get laughed off the red carpet for wearing such a bizarre blend of gothic romance.

I would hope that one day someone lets Rachel know just how tiny her head looked above so much taffeta and lace (the huge dangly earrings aren’t helping). The giant rose affixed on her chest is hideous and the way in which the skirt twists and frills out isn’t such a hot choice either.

Really I can’t think of anything endearing about this besides her adorable smile.

Sigh…oh fine, you get a pass on this enormous mistake, Rachel. But only because I would like to think that you will learn from this and some day find an outfit that lives up to your full potential. Just please – please – never wear anything this unfortunate again.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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36th Annual Daytime Emmys: Kristen Storms

The Snarkstress — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 01:05:34 +0000

Is Kristen Storms concerned that she might find herself in the ladies room during the 36th Annual Daytime Emmys…without toilet paper? I can’t seem to come up with another reason why one might be alright with such a strange embellishment for any other reason…certainly not for reasons related to “fashion” or “style”…it’s too out of place and ultimately the downfall of an otherwise simple and elegant sillouette.

One can only hope that a fashion savvy photographer or seat filler saw this monstrocity and took the liberty of pulling it off before the night was done. The classy, strapless number that lies beneath the filmy white strap of fabric is a beauty. Would be nice to see it get to shine solo.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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36th Annual Daytime Emmys: Tyra Banks

The Snarkstress — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 23:59:10 +0000

Though I don’t love what Tyra Banks has done with her hair, I do approve of the gorgeous coral colored dress she wore to the 36th Annual Daytime Emmys. The perfect length, tailored just to hug her curves in the most flattering way,and paired with simple heels and nude clutch – it’s a surprisingly elegant choice for Tyra.

The chunky black bracelets? Those I would rather see anywhere but here. They look more like something an awkward teenager might pull out for an awards show and are quite frankly an insult to this gorgeous dress. But the bulk of it is so good that I say bravo, Tyra – well done. Maybe if you let that hair dangle a little further away from your face and tossed those bracelets to the side, this would be a 100% bona fide success. As it is, I’ll let things slide with a solid B+.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Right, Kristen Stewart. You’re An Original.

The Snarkstress — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 08:39:59 +0000

Sure, the hair can be blamed on a movie roll. It’s possible you could even use the same excuse to try and justify the extremely pale, washed out skin too.

But nothing can excuse this outfit for the 2009 Teen Choice Awards, Kristen Stewart. Nothing.

Thanks for at least putting on a little lipgloss. Oh and even though your forced little smile is a big improvement over the usual expression of extreme boredom. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that you couldn’t find a dress that didn’t need to be layered with a thick white tank top that is only suitable for hanging out on the couch in boxer shorts.

The skirt looks like it could be pretty painful if you didn’t pay attention to what you were doing while sitting down. And the shoes? Honey, they don’t stand a chance.

But the real cap to all of this? Your posture. Kristen: Stand. Up. Straight.

Image: Newscom

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Someone Stole Anahi’s Other Sleeve

The Snarkstress — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 18:40:39 +0000

Quick! There’s a sleeve thief on the loose in Miami, Florida – and his latest victim was Anahi at the Premios Juventud Awards! The culprit appears to be targeting oversize, gaudy designs with lots of sequins and very little class. The more over the top the better – figure skaters and Las Vegas showgirls should be on the look out because he could be coming for them next. To be on the safe side, we recommend…

Staying away from puffy sleeves that belong in the 80s.
Keeping sequined patterns to “accents” instead of all over your outfit.

Although the sleeve burglar (slurvglar) may be on to something, since the left side of Anahi’s dress is far improved from the bad Dynesty silhouette over on the right, he must be apprehended and the stolen sleeves returned to their rightful owners.

Image: INF

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Amber Rose And Kanye West Look Like Royalty

The Snarkstress — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:20:22 +0000

I don’t know how she does it, but Amber Rose knows how to pull off a risky, revealing outfit without looking as though she put more than a few moments of thought into what she’s going to wear to the 2009 BET Awards. Like all this comes naturally to her when she jumps out of bed in the morning. I can’t even picture the woman looking anything less than totally polished 100% of the time. Do she and Kanye ever just lounge around their living room eating nachos and playing Monopoly in their pajamas?

Image: Bauer Griffin

The skirt is super short, but the basic white, long sleeves and open back all turn this into one giant fashion math equation which calculates into gorgeous. I love the clutch, the candy colored shoes and of course her signature enormous glasses. In stark contrast to the busy sparkles all over Beyonce’s outfit, this is a perfect example for how to do skimpy and not look trashy.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Tyra Banks Looks A Little Like A Pirate

The Snarkstress — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:04:58 +0000

I don’t know, Tyra. I’m just not buying this.

From the tip of your weave to the spike of your grey heel, this feels a little forced. Why do your sleeves look as though a small child could crawl up inside there and no one would be the wiser? Isn’t all that fabric up around your neck suffacating?

The pants appear to be the worst wrong of them all. Cutting you off right at the ankle so that yes – we can see you’ve been working out and nicely done on your toned legs. But honey, you don’t have toothpicks, nor should you. Don’t pull out a pair of shiny pants and expect they are going to be kind to your curves. They’re not.

Maybe if the waist was higher, the leg longer and the fabric less iridescent…then it might work. But as it is, not a chance, Tyra.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Omarosa Desperately Wants Attention Again

The Snarkstress — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:55:22 +0000

Clearly Omarosa woke up the morning of the BET Awards and thought…

“No one seems to care what I’m up to these days. It’s like The Apprentice didn’t even happen and I was never on The Surreal Life. Doesn’t anyone want to talk about my boob job anymore?

“I know what I’ll do…I’ll find the tackiest, worst looking party dress ever and wear that tonight. I’m thinking…something Kathy Griffith would wear. I could be the next Kathy Griffith. Yeah, I’m envisioning lots of feathers and definitely and silver.

“No one will forget Omarosa again after tonight.”

Oh honey.

We will. After we’ve had a good chuckle at this horrible looking dress, we’ll forget all about you and the career you never really had in the first place. But thank you for the laugh, Omarosa.

Who are you again?

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Beyonce Looks Like She Belongs On Ice

The Snarkstress — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 16:15:36 +0000

Every time I think Beyonce has learned the difference between a stage costume and red carpet dresses, she disappoints me with a gaudy number like this one. Clearly Beyonce is in development for a new “Popstars on Ice” show, where such sparkles might blend in nicely – and just didn’t have time to stop off at home and put on the actual dress she planned to wear to the 2009 BET Awards.

The shoes are probably what’s putting it over the top for me. If she had pulled back her hair, dropped the earrings and selected some sky high black heels, I might have appreciated the dress more. From the looks of it, there is even some silver shine from her fingernails. In pieces, each element of this ensemble might have worked alright…but all together, just like this, it’s simply too much to bear.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Ciara Looks Gorgeous at 2009 BET Awards

The Snarkstress — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:55:22 +0000

Regular Snarkstress readers know that Ciara and I don’t usually get along. She has horrified me with trashy dresses, ugly harem pants and her latest blunder…strappy Barney purple wedges.

But this is a nice change for the 2009 BET Awards. Simple makeup, soft hair, and a tight dress that covers all the goods but leaves plenty for the imagination to toy with. I don’t know if these particular baby pink Louboutins would have been my choice, but it works for her and I’m delighted that the word ‘lady’ actually comes to mind.

Is it possible that Ciara will surpass Rihanna as a fashion icon? The jury is still out, but she certainly has the upper hand on this one.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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