Aside from not having ink up and down her every square inch of skin, Charlize Theron looks to be taking on a Kat Von D-esque bad girl image…and it’s just not working.

This corset thingie is dreadful, dahlings, and the shoes are wretched as well. Charlize has always been a classic beauty in Hollywood, and this look is as far from her usual elegance and grace as could be. Blech.

Yes, I realize it’s okay to go outside your norm on occasion, and if this worked on her, I’d say “Hell, yeah! Work it, sexy bitch!” But it’s just. not. doing. it. for. her.

At least, this is what Mama Snarkstress says. What say you, dahlings? You like CT’s look, or no? Discuss…

Image: Newscom

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Image details: 2008 CMT Music Awards – Press Room served by picapp.com

So, cowboy boots. Hmm…how are we all feeling about that trend? I say if it’s done right, it can be totally cute. And here, Miley Cyrus appears to be doing it right.

Though I’m not in love with the print of this dress, the style of it is just right for pairing with cowboy boots – and the fact that these babies are red makes it all the better. What’s more, loves, is that Miley’s boots fit snug to her legs, which is fab. Having boots that are too roomy in the leg area quickly makes the look go from funky-chick to clot-hopper horrific.

So whadda y’all think, dahlings? You liking Miley’s cowgirl look or no?

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Pfffft! Check this out, dahlings! Who knew Heroes cutie, Hayden Panettiere has been hiding a tail under her clothes all this time? Heh, the secrets people keep, huh?

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Dahlings, I ask you: When is this tired dress-over-jeans nonsense ever going to disappear? I’ve never liked this look from Day 1 and the more I am subjected to it, the more I want to send poison sea urchins to all the celebs and stylists who insist on trying to rock this wretchedness.

Take Jennifer Love Hewitt, for example. Would she not have been completely cute in just the dress, sans the fugly dark jeans underneath? Yes, of course she would’ve.

This is what I mean, loves. There simply is no need to cover up thine stems. So don’t.

Okay, okay. Lesson over.

Happy Hump Day!

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So yes, dahlings, it’s true. I spent my Saturday night watching the Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards with my Wee Snarklings (see my Miley post below).

Sounds a little down-home, right? But it’s all good. Because while the Snarklings were busy high-fiving over the fact that Drake and Josh took home the blimp for Best TV Show or whatever, I was busy saying “Yeah, Yeah” to Usher, Will Smith, Ashton Kutcher and the likes. And when I saw Chris Brown and his ass-kickin’ old school Nick sweatshirt, I nearly spit my Cosmo across the room. That, my loves, was the greatest sweatshirt evah! Evah!

So, yeah, I had to endure a few moments of some singing Naked Brothers and what not, but seeing those other super-fly man-kabobs made it all worth while. It truly, truly did.

Now…tell me you watched, too. Please? Even if you didn’t, just tell me you did. I’ll never know the difference. Thanks.

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Okay dahlings, it’s Sunday night so do forgive the horrific title I gave this post. But after Miley Cyrus’s recent Gawd-awful disaster, I’m thrilled to give this crazy-famous teen phenom my Snarky Blessing once more.

Check her out at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards last night, which I actually hunkered down watched with my Wee Snarklings (I had cocktails, they had candy. It was all good.) I was tickled to see Miles glitzed and glammed, with a smokin’ dress, rockin’ makeup, killer shoes and great big hair. She looked like a fabby young starlet should, so hoorah for that. She looked so good, in fact, that I am giving her an honorary Snarky’s Choice Award for Strutting Her Mad Stuff. Good job, Miley. I’ll have a drink in your honor. Cheers!

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Check out Ms. Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, Madonna, sporting her Chanel, uh…thing. Now while I’m thrilled as hell that the Material Girl was honored for putting up with such a wretched business for so long (not to mention kicking ass and taking names along the way), I would like to take a moment to nominate this godawful frock of hers as the WTF Were You Thinking Dress of the Month. I mean please, Gawd knows I loves me some black and white, but this is a bit too Star Trek-y to even qualify for black and white coolness. Not only that, but there’s no freaking skirt. I mean there is, but there isn’t. You know? Oy.

Of course, we all know Madge is a Grade-A risk-taker and I definitely find inspiration in her envelope-pushing fashion balls, – plus we are from the same hometown (true story) – so I may turn my head away and pretend this never happened. I’d have just loved to see her in something a little more…attractive.

Anyhoo dahlings, she looked great otherwise. Girlfriend knows how to hold her own, that’s for damn sure. But the dress. Oh Lawdy, the dress.

What do you loves think of this? Love it or hate it?

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Pfffft! Gawd, I need another Mimosa.

Anyhoo, while I could do without the odd tiering of this frock, the pattern actually transcends curtain territory and claims a stake in the sorta-cool-and-visually-interesting-with-a-great-color-palette-and-a-bit-of-sheen arena. It works well with her coloring, but maybe isn’t Arm-Candy-to-Gorgeous-George-at-the-Oscars-worthy? I dunno, I’m all over the place with this one. Like I said, I need another Mimosa. Pass the champagne, s’il vous plait.

How ’bout you be the judge, dahlings. Do you like this look? Here are a couple photos to help you decide. The bottom two, well, those are a Hump Day gift from moi. You’re welcome.

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Next up in my recap of Oscar greatness is everybody’s favorite Girl-Next-Door, Jennifer Garner. She’s fab here and while taffeta is normally on my No-No List, it totally works in this case.

Major props for a healthy Momma body – fit, not bony. Beautiful makeup, to-die-for jewels (may I have them next, Jen?) and a great air about her. Her hairdo could possibly scream “messy” but with this look, I think it’s perfect.

Loving Jen and loving her Oscar-iffic look. Bravo!

Want to know how to copy Jen’s gig? Head over to CelebLook for the scoop.

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Well, it was all about the Oscars last night (thank you Writer’s Strike Gods) and the ladies brought it in a big way. There were so many fabby looks flitting down the Red Carpet, it was all my fashionable mind could dream about last night.

Because of this, Snarkstress will be featuring some of my fave looks from last night’s fete. It’s only right, yanno?

I feel as though I must lead off with my Number Uno, be all and end all, top choice: Heidi Klum. Girlfriend rocked it out. The Oscars are all about awarding the best in dramatics, and goddamn, they really ought to have an award for Outstanding Dress on the Red Carpet. Since they don’t, I shall hand out my own award, lovingly (and fittingly) titled The Snarky. And so, without further adieu, my first annual Snarky goes to… Ms. Klum. Bravo!

Heidi was the total package. The bold red dress, the dramatic flair of the neck wrap-around, the earrings that resembled pieces of art, the understated accessories, the sleek but accessible hair, the perfect, perfect, perfect makeup, and of course, her ass-kicking signature smile. A total winner, indeed!

What say you, dahlings? Was Heidi your fave? If not, stick around for more – we are far from done here today.

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