Recent singleton, Liv Tyler, must not quite be over the idea of a baby bump, since she’s chosen an ugly, shapeless dress which gives her that insti-bump look without all the hard work.

Seriously, I adore Liv, think she’s totally cool in her own funky way, but this dress does nothing for her shape or for the rumor mill. And let me once more take this opportunity to be the fashion devil who reminds you all that satin is sooooo not forgiving. Thought we’ve all learned that lesson by now. Guess not.

Hey, that reminds me. There’s another Hollywood vixen of the blond, bony variety who donned satin and revealed a “maybe bump” over the weekend. Can you guess who it is? Check out CelebLOOK to find out.

Happy Monday dahlings. *mwah*

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She’s back, dahlings. Miley Cyrus is seen here taking a break from the taping of the Hannah Montana movie, and lookey there – she has clothes on!

Okay, cheap shot, but let’s just say that it’s good to see her looking youthful and non-jailbait-ish again, yanno?

I totally love this dress – think it would be most fabby for the Prom set. The flip flops and green tank underneath, not so much, but I’m thinking this might just be a wardrobe rehearsal (Gawd, let’s hope.)

So whaddya think, dahlings? You love the cutting-edge, half-nekked Miley? Or the sweet, innocent frou frou Miley? Weigh in below…

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So, here are the Sex and the City ladies, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, and Sarah Jessica Parker. At first glance, they don’t look too shabby, do they? Well, dahlings, sharpen your eyes. Because…

What. The. Eff????

Oh my Gawd, is she for real? Seriously. She put on that fabulous dress, applied her makeup flawlessly, and then she’s going to go and f*** the whole thing up with that forest re-creation on her melon? Oh, SJP. What in the hell are you smoking, love? Double oy.

Any one of you dahlings venture to guess what kind of point SJP was trying to make here? Anyone? Anyone?

Image used with permission from Newscom

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Tara Reid

Dahlings, she wasn’t even in the original contest, but I do believe we have a winner in the Battle of the Boob Dress. None other than Ms. Tara Reid.

Clearly, Tara smokes both Jenny Mc Carthy, and particularly Pamela Anderson. Girl is doing The Boob Dress right. Go Tara.

After claims of botched up plastic surgery, it appears as though Tara’s ta-tas have been fixed and fixed well. Of course, The Girls are not the only stars here. The dress itself is absolutely gorgeous. The detail, the train, the color – all utterly and completely fab.

And so thusfore, my dahlings, Tara officially swoops in to win the Snarkstress Seal of Approval for Boob Dress Done Best. Bravo! We should all take note for the next time an opportunity to wear a Boob Dress presents itself. Like to church tomorrow or something.

What?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

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Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

Well, dahlings, it appears as though Pretty Boy Spencer Pratt and Beautiful Girl Heidi Montag, are taking things a bit too far in the “How-close-can-we-possibly-look-to-Ken-and-Barbie” department.

I mean, come on.

Since this is Spence’s standby dressed-up look, I’ll excuse everything but his crappy posture. But Heidi? Lawda mercy. Girlfriend’s hair screams “Wedding Day Barbie” and the slip, er, dress, screams “Wedding Day Barbie’s Honeymoon in Nashville goes awry”.

And don’t even get me started on those gawdawful, ugly-ass golden blocks on her feet. Gah!

So, I suppose it’s pretty obvious that I am very much packing up my Snarkstress Seal of Approval and saving it for when these two decide to look like human humans and not doll-like humans. Yanno?

Wonder if that will ever happen…

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Brittany Snow

Another request for a celeb closet raid, dahlings. This time, I’m after Brittany Snow’s gorgeous white trench coat.

Look at this thing – it’s fabulous! Now, it’s no secret my snarky self is head-over-heels for the classic black and white combo, but it still has to be a great cut to qualify for my Snarkstress Seal of Approval. Well, this thing has got the cut. It’s proportions are perfect.

I. Must. Have. This. Coat.

And. So. Should. You.

Of course, then we’d all look like clones. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. At least we’d all be stylish clones. That’s more than we can say about some people, eh Lindsay?

Anyhoo, loves, if anyone has people who know Brittany’s people, be a lamb and get a hold of this coat for me, won’t you? I’d use my own peeps, but they’re busy setting up my Hawaiian get-away with Adrian Grenier. You know how it is…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

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Lindsay Lohan

Oy, loves. This is not a good look on Miss Lindsay Lohan. An ill-fitting bubble dress with hideous shoes? Blech.

Yes, I realize I am not a bubble dress fan to begin with. Rarely do I dig anyone in them at all, so seeing LiLo in this disaster takes the cake. Add to it the fact that The Girls are totally saggy and the dress’s bodice appears to be quite loose around the side, and whoo-ee! Someone pluck my poor eyeballs out with tweezers soaked in grapefruit juice. Please. It’s bound to be better than looking at this wretched photo for any length of time.

Yanno, one would expect so much more out of a notorious shopping diva like Lindsay. Of course, one would also expect said diva to keep her roots up a bit better and to smear on some bleeping makeup before heading out, but I digress.

Anyhoo, dahlings, this look is a giant miss from Mama Snarkstress. How ’bout you all?

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Pamela Anderson

Jenny Mc Carthy

Ah yes. The Boob Dress. A Hollywood staple, for sure, but some tend to rock this look better than others. Much better.

Take Pamela Anderson and Jenny Mc Carthy, for instance. Both buxom blondes. Both strong forces in H-town. Both sporting The Boob Dress. Jenny’s rocking hers. Pam, not so much.

I think the difference here, dahlings, is that Jenny has chosen to flaunt one part of her person. The Girls are clearly the star of this show. But Jen’s hair, makeup and jewels are all very sophisticated and appropriate. Plus, the skirt of her dress is modest.

Pamela, on the other hand, is showing everything off. Her slit’s up-to-there, her hair and makeup are scraggly, her lips are freakish. And pairing crappy black shoes with her white dress cheapens the look even further. Therein lies the difference.

Lesson of the day: To rock The Boob Dress, let the boobs have their moment and keep the rest of your look subdued.

Hear that, Pam?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

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Yanno dahlings, there ain’t a damn thing I can say nice about this get-up. I have no idea what the supposedly iconic Sienna Miller was trying to achieve here, but I can just imagine how many teenage boys kept dropping things nearby her, if you know what I mean.

Sigh.

Honestly, I’m really not sure why this chick is seen as a fashion role model. I wouldn’t even dress my collection of voodoo dolls in nonsense like this. Seriously.

Anyhoo, loves, hope you all had a fabby weekend. Looking forward to a snarky week to come. See you on the flip side. *mwah*

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

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Dahlings, I can’t believe I just said “da bomb” publicly, but cripe. There’s just no other way I can describe Mariah Carey in this photo.

Sure, I’ve given her some shit about wearing clothing meant for tweens lately, but this is one dress that only a womanly woman could rock. She looks so utterly fantastic here, my snarky self is considering not eating for the next month or so. But that would mean I’d miss out on nacho night, and that just would never do. Not only that, but since I’m all a “role model” and shit, I guess that would be a bad thing for my young readers to hear, right? Or something.

Anyhoo, major, major props and the biggest, most giant Snarkstress Seal of Approval goes out to Miss Mimi. Girl deserves it, for sure.

Image: Used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

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