See ya, 2007. Thanks for the Memories!

As we prepare to blow out the candles of 2007 and pop the cork to 2008, I just wanted to thank you all for an amazing year! I’ve had so much fun and I hope you have, too. I can’t wait for more drinks and dishing in the year to come and I hope you’ll come with me.

Wishing you all the best in the New Year!!!

Big Kisses, Dahlings! *MWAAAAAAH!*

Your Snarky Pal,
Snarkstress

Post from: Snarkstress

Is it just me, or is this not the weirdest picture ev-ah, my dahlings? The red backdrop looks all slutty and burlesque-y, but Mr. Aersosmith’s daughter is a mix of bad-girl in a short dress and up-to-there boots, and nerd girl in a pontytail, wrapped in a blankie knitted by grandma. I just don’t get this whole vibe.

Okay, let’s dissect, shall we? Yes, Liv is sporting a gigantic trend: Nordic-wear. Alpine patters, Fair Isle knits, yep, it’s all popular right now. And my snarky ass even likes this trend quite well, to be honest. But, I could definitely do without the fuzzy wuzzy polar bears on the dress. That faux pas alone cost Liv the Snarkstress Seal of Approval. Couple that with her mega-blah hairdo and I’m spilling fresh oil into my shredder as fast as I’m spilling my Cosmo down my throat. I think if you want to pull off a sassy look like this, especially with the sky-high boots, you need to up the ante in the ‘do department. Just my opinion.

I’m really feeling like she’d be better off trashing the “blankie dress” and wrapping up with that red curtain instead. Now that would look fabby with those boots.

Something to think about, Liv dahling. Oh, and give Daddy my best, would you? *mwah*

Post from: Snarkstress

Pardon me for a moment as I go puke my eyeballs bloodshot. What in the hell is such a perty little thang doing dressing up like some waiter dude? Okay, I get that menswear is supposed to be some trend, but goddamn, where have all the stilettos gone? Now that is a ass-kickin’ look for ladies, not this menswear bullshit. In my opinion, dude clothes should be left to the dudes, just as chick clothes should be kept to chicks (and the occasional drag queen if s/he wears them right).

Please, Kate’s stylist, please return us to our Girly Girl. This clothing choice, along with the god-awful pulled back hairdo that makes her ears resemble Mrs. Potatohead’s, is plain hideous. Dresses. Dresses and stilettos. Peeptoes, slingbacks, skirts…these are the pinnings of a lady. Well, that and an aptly-made Long Island.

Post from: Snarkstress

Okay, here’s what went down after an old seventies and early-eighties icon saw this pic…

Briiiiiiiiing.

“Hi, this is Hilary.”

Heavy breathing.

“Hello? Hello, this is Hilary. Is anyone there?”

“Uh, yeah. This is Olivia.”

“Olivia? Olivia who?”

“Olivia Newton John, honey.” Pissed off sigh.

“Oh, uh, hi. What up?”

“What up is that I rocked that look well before you were even a zygote and I’d appreciate you leaving it to the pros, my dear. Go get your own look, you…you punk-bitch rip off.”

“‘Scuse me? I’m sorry Mrs. Johnson. I’m afraid I don’t understand…”

“Kids. Damn kids.” Xanadu cues up in the background.

Click.

“Who the f*** was that raggedy old douche bag? Damn. Take a pill, lady.”

Isn’t that sweet? Now, let’s see what may have prompted the disgruntled Ms. Newton John to make such a harassing call:

• The turquoise. Not seafoam, not ocean, not any cool or hip blue/green color. This is downright turquoise, dahlings. Yick.
• The black boob-tube. Classic eighties.
• Skin-tight spandex. Need I say more?
• Monster black belt, neck-straining earrings, and gigantic hair. Gah.
• Britney-dangerous skirt length.

Yeah, I can see why Olivia was irked. And this purple light in the background sure ain’t helping much. The only redeeming factor? Her great stems and tight bootie, plus a toned upper body. But still. This look sux. Let’s leave it behind, Hil, with it’s rightful owner. Mrs. Johnson.

Post from: Snarkstress

Hey, dahlings, I have an idea: Let’s end the weekend by playing a fun game. This one’s called “Where’s Natalie?” See, the thing is, my source tells me that this is a photo of Natalie Portman, but all I see is floating brown waves and a coupla eyebrows. The rest seems to be a big, rose-colored blob. Is there a person within? I’m not sure.

I think what’s happening here is that Ms. Portman is taking “Monochromatic” to the next level. Forget dressing in the same color from head to toe, let’s go all out and dress in a color that matches our skin tone so fully that you can’t even tell where the clothing ends and where skin begins. Now that sounds like a helluva fashion trend to me. Then we can all go roaming around as big ‘ol flesh-colored splotches against the colors of the world and nobody would be able to tell who’s who. Maybe just by our hair. Now doesn’t that sound freakin’ cool? Wahoo.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I had far too many Mike’s Hards this weekend (Light, of course, since I’m watching my snarky figure) but I think this color choice is wretched on this poor chick. Maybe an accessory of some sort, a necklace, a…I dunno, something would’ve helped. But as is, all I keep thinking about is the chameleon Brother Snarkster had when we were kids that he used to torment me with. Not cool.

Not cool at all.

Post from: Snarkstress

Whoa. Little L.C. had me running for The Hills when I caught a load of this freaky frock. It looks like Bad Lampshade Delivery Day at Tuesday Mornings, giant-sized. Gawd! The colors are fun and young (a bit of a twist for her “Who Needs Color?” ass), but the print (is this a print?) and texture (what is the texture?) is killing me.

I swear, if we all banded together and checked in our basements (or those of our, ahem, older loved ones), a whole slew of us would likely find something like this all boxed up…alongside a ceramic ashtray in 70’s Avacado Agony. Get it, Lauren? Blech.

Suddenly I feel the need to sip something a little wild and trippy. Hmmm. Ideas, my loves?

Post from: Snarkstress

So I see this picture, dahlings, and the first thing that comes to mind is: “Hey, Kyra looks pretty cute here. I’m suddenly feeling all Christmas-y!” And then it dawned on me…”Wait a sec. This is September. And last I knew, Christmas was not in September. So WTF?!?”

And then I read the caption from E (which I rarely do because I would much rather form my own snarky opinion with no outside influences), where they go on to say that Kyra looks all Elfin and what not. Suddenly, despite my initial WTF-ness, I start getting all defensive about this because, puh-leeze, Kyra does not look Elfin. Sure, this would be way cuter at a holiday office party or even on, say, Christmas Eve, but Elfin she is not. Grrrr…

So anyway, that’s my rant for today. Seems as though our starlets are on their best fashion behavior lately if poor Kyra is getting picked on.

Guess there’s just not enough Liquor Love going around these days. What a pity. Tequila shot, anyone?

Post from: Snarkstress

Can I get a big “Awwwww” from the congregation?

Poor Georgie. Up and around after his recent motorcycle accident, somehow even his spotted jeans and bandaged arm are trumped by his total hotness. Who knew a medical bandage could look good enough to be qualified as a Hot New Accessory?

Oh wait, I just had a supreme thought: What if George and Jessica had babies together? Would they not be the most drool-worthy children ev-ah? I tell you dahlings, if I didn’t want him so badly for myself, I would so want to see that hook-up!

Okay, I’m off to the spiked coffee carafe. Oh, and George, my lovie, you might want to look into those dandy little Tide to Go doohickeys. Really. Please. *Mwah*

Post from: Snarkstress

Looking Adorable

Looking Adorable…Again

OK, Enough With the Looking Adorable, Dammit!

See what I mean, dahlings? Try as I might, it’s virtually impossible to hate this chick. I can’t even find a single fashion flub to shred on her, either. Sigh. Thank Gawd chicks like this are few and far between or I’d be out of a job.

Must. Have. Vodka. On. The. Rocks…Now!

Post from: Snarkstress

Of course, I did a masterfully fine job covering the 2007 Emmy Awards, but lo and behold, a bunch of my fellow Beauty & Style Pals did as well. Here, a quick round-up of all the fabby Emmy coverage across our channel. Enjoy!

CELEB LOOK
Get Her Emmy Look: Katherine Heigl
Get Her Emmy Look: Rebecca Romijin
Get Her Emmy Look: Debra Messing
Get Her Emmy Look: Heidi Klum

eBeautyDaily thinks marriage agrees with Eva Longoria. Check it out.

SNARKSTRESS
Emmy Awards Snarkstress Style
Red Hot Emmy Chicks
Paula Abdul in Wardrobe Malfunction Couture

TEEN STYLE LOUNGE
Best and Worst Style Icons of the Emmys
More Greatness from the Emmys

STYLE IT LESS
My Top 5 Emmy’s 2007 Fashion Hits
My Top 5 Emmy’s 2007 Fashion Misses

Eva Longoria : Get Her Dress For Less
Kate Walsh : Get Her Dress For Less
Julia Louis Dreyfus : Get Her Dress For Less
Katherine Heigl : Get Her Dress For Less
America Ferrera : Get Her Dress For Less

She Knows Best chose Supporting Actor Winner Terry O’Quinn as the Best Dressed Male of the night for confidently wearing a pink satin undershirt.

There you have it, dahlings. Just call the b5media Beauty & Style Channel your Emmy Mania Headquarters. Til next year…

Post from: Snarkstress