Just kidding. This is one drab pantsuit, Eva. I don’t know what has happened since you settled down and became a Parker, but you guys do not exactly look like a barrel of laughs standing out side of Le Baoli Restaurant in Cannes. That’s right…Cannes. How could you possibly look this bored and unhappy while you are in Cannes! It’s too much, Mr. and Mrs. Parker.
Speaking off too much…let’s get back to that pantsuit for a second. Eva, I will grant you that your figure is probably in the rare 2% that could pull off a pantsuit that looks as …read more

There were a lot of beautiful evening gowns this weekend at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner. Unfortunately, Eva Longoria Parker’s filmy dress was not one of the. The makeup is gorgeous, earrings lovely and if I could sneak up close to her, I bet I could finagle that diamond bangle off her wrist and into my pocket.
But the dress is not very flattering for her petite little figure. Nor is the color a good fit for her olive skin. Usually I would expect a dress like this to have a bit more shape to it. That there would be …read more

Eva Longoria Parker, Lunching with the Ladies
So here’s yet another picture of poor “fat” Eva Longoria (as if). However, the paps that took this pic said that as Eva exited her car, she told them to “make her look thin.” Awww.
Now, either the poor girl is starting to get a complex over these Lardo Bombardo accusations, or she really is trying to hide a little extra sumpin’-sumpin’ – a little padding from an impending bump, perhaps?
Now in the photo, I see no bump. All I see is a super cute, tiny girl who dressed up an otherwise plain black tube …read more

Eva Longoria Parker at the 2008 Emmy Awards
Okay, so you saw my sad explanation (aka excuse) for my lack of Emmy coverage, but hey, it was all strategic. I just want the Emmy love to go on forever.
Or something.
Moving on…I’m getting ready to feature my Top 3 Emmy Looks from this past weekend, and I’d like to start off with the petite little flower that is Eva Longoria Parker. Now first off, to all you haters out there calling Eva “fat”, shame on you. Does this honey look fat to you? Dear Gawd, gimme a break. She’s teensy as ever …read more

Is there a thief in the house? Because I would sure love to get my snarky hands on Eva Longoria Parker’s summer-iffic cazh ensemble, pronto!

Everything about this look is perfecto. The slouchy yet chic shirt, the wrinkled-just-right linen pants, the killer shoes, sunglasses, fab hairdo and neutral makeup palette – divine! But the piece de resistance? The ungodly incredible, magnificent, stupendous, crazy-fab bag that is so unbelievably drool-worthy, I’d gladly risk your going to jail in exchange for stealing it for me. And yes, I’ll visit you in the clink…with the bag.
Anyhoo, loves, just a nice refreshing pic of a …read more

Celebrity Fashion Trend Alert: Scarf Central
Yee-haw, dahlings, a celeb fashion trend that gets a big ‘ol Snarkstress Seal of Approval! (Did I just say “yee-haw? Oy. I need a drink. Already.)
Worn by the likes of Eva Longoria Parker, Miley Cyrus and Alicia Keys, big, droopy scarves are all the rage and I’m loving them for sure. A great choice while in between seasons, these scarves kick up any outfit from a simple jeans and tank look (a la Miley) to the LBD (a la Eva). They’re quite appropriate for nearly any occasion and can help hide some “stuff” – as …read more

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Dahlings, I want you to know that I really and truly believe Eva Longoria is one of the hottest tamales in H-wood. She gorgeous, she’s real, she’s fashionable as all hell…usually. But alas, my girl has tripped up, and she’s done it in a big way.
Upon first inspection of this frock, I thought “Ooh, purple. Fun, unexpected. Hoorah!” Then, the daggers in my eyes activated, and began shredding apart Eva’s look at a scary clip. Why? Well…
* The Girls are hiked up at such an unnatural angle, you know she’s …read more