I have often thought of Sharon Lawrence as an example of exactly how I want to mature as a woman. She always looks sophisticated with a kind of cheeky glint in her eye and glow in her red hair.
But this closely cropped mop and grandma outfit is over the top bad, my dear. Are you going to play cards with the girls? Taking your grandson to the park? Catching up on your knitting? Oh no, of course not. You are at a movie premiere in Hollywood for the indie flick Spread.
The shirt has potential (if it weren’t borderline see through …read more

I usually think of Milla Jovovich as a pretty fashion forward lady, but this blue animal print is testing my decision. Everything from the striped tie dye to the horribly unflattering hemline and sloppy one sleeve design…it just all adds up into the kind of dress I would expect from a twenty year old country bumpkin out for a night of debauchery in the big city for the first time.
Well Milla, let’s hope this is a temporary blip on your fashion track record. Continue to be quirky. Take style risks. But do us all a favor and don’t pull something …read more

Ick. Kelly Osbourne this is not a good look for you. I realize you’ve been cavorting all around London but the hair, splotchy skin and hipster glasses are all a bit over the top – don’t you think?
But worse than anything is the confused look on Kelly’s face. You would almost think this is the first time that you were stalked by paparazzi around the city. Yes, they will take photos of you and your lame thrifty store ensemble – that actually probably cost a cool couple grand – as well as the awful faded tattoo on your foot. Then …read more

I had finally repressed the last season of The Hills and Speidi’s horrible display of whiny behavior on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here but now…they’re back.
Here is Heidi Montag at the Los Angeles Premiere of G.I. Joe: The Rise of The Cobra and I just can’t get over how plastic she looks. It shouldn’t be surprising at this point. Enough time and money has been spent on sculpting her into a slutty looking Barbie doll. But I still hold out a secret hope that Heidi will go back to her pre-Spencer roots (and I do mean roots …read more

On the heels of a brilliantly common sense study about how tanning beds are basically designed to kill people (regardless of how perfectly bronze one’s skin becomes), here is Janice Dickinson looking like a tomato while on her way to Madeo Restaurant in West Hollywood. I’m not even sure what to cover first. How much the outfit she is wearing offends my sensibilities? Or the way her enormous fake boobs actually look saggy in the top. What about the frighteningly veiny calves?
Janice, sweetie – you’re getting older. Deal with it. This level of extreme lengths to be as vain as …read more

Oh, Jessica Simpson. With a friend like Ken Paves, you would think that your hair would always look good.And usually it does. But these lackluster locks are a disgrace to the entire fake hair brand the two of you created.
But worse than the hair, darling Jess, is the dress. Honey, you have one heck of a chest. I thoroughly commend you for your curvy shape and ample bosom. But this neckline is making you look like one heck of a trampy hillbilly.
Are you trying to hurt Ken Paves’ feelings on his birthday? Do you even realize how unflattering this whole …read more

When you’re as petite and small boned as Sienna Miller, you can get away with a lot. Your skirts can be skimpy, necklines droopy and bare flesh to fully clothed ratio heavily weighted toward the former. But even Sienna Miller’s teeny little size zero bum can’t hide in these unflattering pleated pants.
A few months back I commented on another celebrity who chose similar pants but had more curves to work with than wee little Sienna. Though some took my disapproval for Jennifer Hudson’s pants as disapproval for Jennifer Hudson the person (talk about jumping to conclusions, ladies!), these photos of …read more

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag
Well, dahlings, it appears as though Pretty Boy Spencer Pratt and Beautiful Girl Heidi Montag, are taking things a bit too far in the “How-close-can-we-possibly-look-to-Ken-and-Barbie” department.
I mean, come on.
Since this is Spence’s standby dressed-up look, I’ll excuse everything but his crappy posture. But Heidi? Lawda mercy. Girlfriend’s hair screams “Wedding Day Barbie” and the slip, er, dress, screams “Wedding Day Barbie’s Honeymoon in Nashville goes awry”.
And don’t even get me started on those gawdawful, ugly-ass golden blocks on her feet. Gah!
So, I suppose it’s pretty obvious that I am very much packing up my Snarkstress Seal …read more

Lindsay Lohan
Oy, loves. This is not a good look on Miss Lindsay Lohan. An ill-fitting bubble dress with hideous shoes? Blech.
Yes, I realize I am not a bubble dress fan to begin with. Rarely do I dig anyone in them at all, so seeing LiLo in this disaster takes the cake. Add to it the fact that The Girls are totally saggy and the dress’s bodice appears to be quite loose around the side, and whoo-ee! Someone pluck my poor eyeballs out with tweezers soaked in grapefruit juice. Please. It’s bound to be better than looking at this wretched photo …read more

Leona Lewis
Newsflash, dahlings: The absolutely gorgeous, stunning, fabulous songbird, Leona Lewis, has apparently given up singing in exchange for a herding career. Damn. And I was totally digging her tunes.
Thankfully, she has decided to take herding high-fashion though, as seen here with her stilettos of choice. But let it be known that while I appreciate her effort, I still give her a giant “Nay” in the shoe department. Why? Well, though the shoes are purdy, they totally do not do a thing for her legs. Which is a crying shame.
Anyhoo, the dress is all wrong, too, so aside from her …read more