Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

Well, dahlings, it appears as though Pretty Boy Spencer Pratt and Beautiful Girl Heidi Montag, are taking things a bit too far in the “How-close-can-we-possibly-look-to-Ken-and-Barbie” department.

I mean, come on.

Since this is Spence’s standby dressed-up look, I’ll excuse everything but his crappy posture. But Heidi? Lawda mercy. Girlfriend’s hair screams “Wedding Day Barbie” and the slip, er, dress, screams “Wedding Day Barbie’s Honeymoon in Nashville goes awry”.

And don’t even get me started on those gawdawful, ugly-ass golden blocks on her feet. Gah!

So, I suppose it’s pretty obvious that I am very much packing up my Snarkstress Seal of Approval and saving it for when these two decide to look like human humans and not doll-like humans. Yanno?

Wonder if that will ever happen…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Lindsay Lohan

Oy, loves. This is not a good look on Miss Lindsay Lohan. An ill-fitting bubble dress with hideous shoes? Blech.

Yes, I realize I am not a bubble dress fan to begin with. Rarely do I dig anyone in them at all, so seeing LiLo in this disaster takes the cake. Add to it the fact that The Girls are totally saggy and the dress’s bodice appears to be quite loose around the side, and whoo-ee! Someone pluck my poor eyeballs out with tweezers soaked in grapefruit juice. Please. It’s bound to be better than looking at this wretched photo for any length of time.

Yanno, one would expect so much more out of a notorious shopping diva like Lindsay. Of course, one would also expect said diva to keep her roots up a bit better and to smear on some bleeping makeup before heading out, but I digress.

Anyhoo, dahlings, this look is a giant miss from Mama Snarkstress. How ’bout you all?

Leona Lewis

Newsflash, dahlings: The absolutely gorgeous, stunning, fabulous songbird, Leona Lewis, has apparently given up singing in exchange for a herding career. Damn. And I was totally digging her tunes.

Thankfully, she has decided to take herding high-fashion though, as seen here with her stilettos of choice. But let it be known that while I appreciate her effort, I still give her a giant “Nay” in the shoe department. Why? Well, though the shoes are purdy, they totally do not do a thing for her legs. Which is a crying shame.

Anyhoo, the dress is all wrong, too, so aside from her beautiful face and hair, this look is better off left baaa-aaack in the fields somewhere…to be eaten by sheep.

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Pamela Anderson

Jenny Mc Carthy

Ah yes. The Boob Dress. A Hollywood staple, for sure, but some tend to rock this look better than others. Much better.

Take Pamela Anderson and Jenny Mc Carthy, for instance. Both buxom blondes. Both strong forces in H-town. Both sporting The Boob Dress. Jenny’s rocking hers. Pam, not so much.

I think the difference here, dahlings, is that Jenny has chosen to flaunt one part of her person. The Girls are clearly the star of this show. But Jen’s hair, makeup and jewels are all very sophisticated and appropriate. Plus, the skirt of her dress is modest.

Pamela, on the other hand, is showing everything off. Her slit’s up-to-there, her hair and makeup are scraggly, her lips are freakish. And pairing crappy black shoes with her white dress cheapens the look even further. Therein lies the difference.

Lesson of the day: To rock The Boob Dress, let the boobs have their moment and keep the rest of your look subdued.

Hear that, Pam?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Yanno dahlings, there ain’t a damn thing I can say nice about this get-up. I have no idea what the supposedly iconic Sienna Miller was trying to achieve here, but I can just imagine how many teenage boys kept dropping things nearby her, if you know what I mean.

Sigh.

Honestly, I’m really not sure why this chick is seen as a fashion role model. I wouldn’t even dress my collection of voodoo dolls in nonsense like this. Seriously.

Anyhoo, loves, hope you all had a fabby weekend. Looking forward to a snarky week to come. See you on the flip side. *mwah*

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Gossip Girl’s Leighton Meester. A beautiful girl, indeed. And bless her little heart for rocking such a tricky color. But why is it that I can’t get the image of a lamp shade out of my head? I mean, really. What’s going on around her middle? That is Lamp Shade City if I ever saw it. The fringe, the braiding. It’s all so…lampish.

Now I’m all for simple sheath dresses being kicked up a notch, but this is surely not how I’d do it. But that’s just moi.

What about you, dahlings. How would you “fix” Leighton’s dress? Or do you like it just as it is? Leave me a comment below with your fashion-inspired opinions…

Image Source: splashnewsonline.com

So dahlings, here we are, checking out this pic of Hilary Duff, addressing The Leggings Issue yet again. And why, I ask. Why must I come back to this again and again and again? Have we not learned anything yet about leggings and their place in this world yet? As in: There is no place in this world for those hideous things!!

Now I will say, if a person had a momentary (or recurring, in some cases) lapse of judgment and they somehow found their lower half being accosted by a pair of leggings, then I suppose Hil’s look is the only way to go. She keeps it cazh (though I’m not loving the fleshy shoes with the gray and black) and if I was in my “Happy Place”, I could possibly turn my head away and pretend I never saw her commit the dastardly deed of Wearing Leggings. But, too bad, so sad for Hilary. It’s Monday morning and I’m not in my Happy Place, so there will be no forgiveness. Nuh unh, not today.

So anyway loves, I will be the most gleeful dame in all of Snarkville the day my sight is no longer threatened by this horrific “trend”. Will it ever happen? Well, that remains to be seen. But let’s just hope it doesn’t happen again on a Monday, yanno? Oy.

Image Source: splashnewsonline.com

Image details: New Yorkers for Children Celebrates New Year’s In April: A Fool’s Fete served by picapp.com

Hey, Mary-Kate! Bea Arthur called and wants her Golden Girls wardrobe back!

*****

Dahlings, I know I’m taking the easy way out by featuring this photo of Mary-Kate Olsen, but it is Friday and Happy Hour awaits. Priorities, yanno? Besides, if I were to go into full-on Snark Mode with all that is wrong here, we’d need an entire vat of margaritas to get through it all. Which actually might not be a bad thing…

Anyhoo, pay close attention to the title of the event where this pic was taken (you can see it in the photo’s shadowbox). I’m hoping, no praying, that this is a belated April Fool’s joke, but quite frankly I was too busy laughing my tiny ass off to research the situation any further.

Anyway loves, hopefully you’ll get such a good laugh that you can pony up to some nachos and beer this evening instead of hitting the treadmill. You’re welcome.

Happy Friday!! *mwah*

Image details: UK Premiere : Fools Gold - Arrivals served by picapp.com

Image details: UK Film Premiere: Fool’s Gold - Arrivals served by picapp.com

Dahlings, wow. Somebody please tell me just what is going on with that almost gorgeous dress Miss Kate Hudson is wearing? I mean, gawddamn, does it not look like she’s got an alien baby hiding below The Girls, or what? Seriously. (Or maybe that is The Girls?!? Gawd, I think I’d rather have it be an alien baby instead of missile boobies. Yikes.)

Anyway, this is so close to being a lovely dress. It’s very unique and unusual for sure, and maybe her whole intent was to try to throw the media off the scent of her alien love child, but yanno, I’m not so sure that worked. It’s kinda obvious. But that’s okay, Kate. We still love you.

In other news, I totally could’ve chosen singular pics of Kate to break her, um, news to you, but I decided to share a little Matthew Mc EyeCandy with you instead, seeing as how it is the weekend and all. Yes, you may all drool now.

Anyhoo, loves, Happy Weekend to you. May you go forth (to Happy Hour) and prosper.

Na-noo, na-noo (do you think Kate’s baby understood that?!?)

Yes loves, I am crazy-impressed that Paula Abdul can cut up an oh-so-slinky dress like this. But there is one thing keeping me from bestowing the uber-coveted Snarkstress Seal of Approval onto her: The fact that she totally reminds me of the Chiquita Banana lady!

Now, sure, Paula’s not wearing a giant fruit hat, but goldamn, her flower is pretty darn close. I just half expect her to roam the aisles at Idol, handing out “the world’s most perfect food”, preaching the virtues of nature’s candy to all who’ll listen. Then, of course, she’ll cackle in glee, then abruptly begin to cry. Yanno, like normal.

Anyhoo, this is an “almost” from our girl Paula. Close, but no dice. It’s like having an otherwise lovely banana be marred with a brown spot. But it’s definitely better than some nights, so whatev. Maybe next time she’ll get it just right. What do you think?