Snarkstress » headband

Paris Hilton’s Hippie Dippy Shopping Wear

The Snarkstress — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 19:39:50 +0000

Would you even really know for sure that these two are sisters if they weren’t The Hiltons. I mean honestly, it would be hard to imagine them looking any different. Here is Nicky, all chic and understated for a Friday stroll through various boutiques in Hollywood. But right next to her is Paris, all hippie-d out and overly pink for day time. Make that any time.

As Paris has slid farther down the woe-begotten reality television path, and Nicky has stepped back more and more from the spotlight, I’ve grown to not mind the less outlandish sister. Sure, there is a bit of humor to be found in the antics of Paris, but the younger sister certainly has the end when it comes to including color in an outfit, instead of letting one color (oh, I don’t know…maybe baby pink?) overpower the outfit.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Tara Reid Looks Tan And Trashy As Ever

The Snarkstress — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 00:35:22 +0000

Oh, Tara Reid. You never cease to amaze me with your spindly figure and overly tan skin. Darling, at this rate you’re going to resemble an old leather shoe by the time you’re 35. Wait, are you 35? I can’t even tell anymore.

Here you are partying it up in St. Tropez with Michael Axtmann - it seems like these kind of photos surface at least once a year, where we all sit back and wonder how nitwits like you afford this traveling lifestyle but can’t seem to find a decent colorist or hair accessory that doesn’t look like it was made from a Toys R’ Us crafting kit.

You intrigue me, Tara. I really wish you didn’t, but somehow you continue to be strangely fascinating…for no particular reason at all.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Shanna Moakler Wears Flapper Dress…Again.

The Snarkstress — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 20:00:22 +0000

Former Miss USA Shanna Moakler is at it again with the flapper trend. Why hasn’t anyone told her that this is not a good look for her? Darling, you could look so much prettier than you do right here but this dress, and in particular that dandelion shade of yellow, are not doing you any favors.

I have seen the photos of how chic your bob looks when it’s not swathed in fabric like you have it here. Are you confused about what year it is, Shanna? Will no one even set you right on the decade we are in?

Please let this trend go, honey. Let it go and find something a bit more flattering and current to wear while you’re boozing it up on the weekend.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Lily Allen Looking Disheveled For Dinner

The Snarkstress — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 18:30:45 +0000

Lily, my dear – what is going on with your makeup?

You meet up for dinner with a guy like Charles Saatchi looking like Mischa Barton applied your eyeliner and (of course) forgot all about lipgloss? And the hair….oh, such potential. A little bit too messy, honey. Hairs are flying left and right because they’re not tucked in properly under that headband (which I will admit, is very cute).

Now, let’s talk about the outfit…which looks like it was borrowed right out of Rihanna’s closet. There are so many patterns and conflicting trends happening here that I’m not quite sure what to say. Your vest is probably what’s bothering me the most – but a close second are those strange squiggly pants.

Nice choice on the blue bag, which I’m assuming is Chanel?

Though I’m glad you have finally taken off those silly wigs, Lily…from the looks of it, we’ve still got a long road back to the top.

Image: Splash News

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Shanna Moakler Leaves MyHouse

The Snarkstress — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 23:16:16 +0000

I can’t understand why someone would mislead Shanna Moakler into thinking that there was a costume party at MyHouse and girls dressed as flappers from the 1920’s get free drinks. That doesn’t seem accurate – judging from the reasonably normal looking club attire on all the folks around her – or fair.

But let’s take a minute to further inspect Shanna’s outfit. The headband was made for the gym, not Hollywood. And those chunky mary jane shoes…oh, honey I expect more from a former pageant queen.

It always amazes me how someone who is clearly quite naturally beautiful can somehow tramp it up and look like a hot mess without even breaking a sweat. Nothing about this sillouette says “I took on The Trump and lived to tell it”.

Instead, I’m hearing, “I tshink I leff ma purse back at the bar…does anabody have a jacuzzi..?”

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Paris Hilton Won’t Let Headbands Die

The Snarkstress — Tue, 26 May 2009 23:10:03 +0000

Paris Hilton was out with boy toy Doug Reinhardt again last weekend. Dressing up, going out, and continuing to be too obnoxious for words with these wretched headbands.

Sidenote: Why does Doug always look so pensive? Who told him that one facial expression for every single photo is a good idea? I can’t tell if he is supremely talented and maintaining his composure in front of a few dozen flashing cameras, or simply doesn’t have a thought running through his mind at either moment below.

But I digress..

Everyone else seems to have given up on this awful headband resurgence, so I can’t understand why Paris Hilton won’t let it go. It’s not as if she can’t afford a few hair extensions if it’s the awkward bob that’s causing her to hang on to this deader than dead trend.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Even an ugly gladiator-meets-mermaid gown doesn’t deter her from throwing on a headband before stepping out the door.

Maybe it’s a good thing Doug is concentrating so hard on being a mysterious non-smiler.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Winona Ryder’s Hair-Raising Film Premiere

The Snarkstress — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:59:58 +0000

Wow, Winona. It’s been a while. But was this really how you wanted to reappear on the scene? Looking like you are wearing a dress from a lost scene in Beetlejuice? The black backdrop is making the pronounced amount of lace on this dress a little less noticeable. But that’s okay – it’s not really the dress that I take issue with.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Who on earth did your hair? Did you do this, Winona? I feel like a six year old who had to have her hair cut off because she got gum stuck in it might need an awkward bob like this. Her mom, trying to find some way to feminize just how bad it really is might even pick up a similar headband.

But should a former A-list actress really ever have hair like this while attending the premiere of a hugely anticipated movie with all kinds of photographers around to document just how bad it really is…over, and over, and over again..?

With prettier hair, I might have even accepted the dress. But the sum of this combination is just too much of a miss.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Paris Hilton’s Hippie Princess Look

The Snarkstress — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 22:41:46 +0000

While I realize Paris Hilton’s ego must be on overload with gaggles of British girls fawning all over her and competing to be her friend (doesn’t this remind you of high school? but how old are these girls?) – but how could anyone possibly think a diamond encrusted headband makes sense, let alone looks good?

But it doesn’t stop there.

Can we just eliminate white heels entirely? Or at least check people at the door to see how many white accessories/pieces of clothing they are wearing. White purse, white shoes, white dress, is this Paris Hilton or a polar bear stuck in a snow storm.

Maybe this is a test for her friend-testants. Who will be the one honest/ballsy enough to say tell Paris she looks like a spoiled little girl trying to pull off “rockstar”…?

Image: Splash News

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