So, here are the Sex and the City ladies, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, and Sarah Jessica Parker. At first glance, they don’t look too shabby, do they? Well, dahlings, sharpen your eyes. Because…

What. The. Eff????

Oh my Gawd, is she for real? Seriously. She put on that fabulous dress, applied her makeup flawlessly, and then she’s going to go and f*** the whole thing up with that forest re-creation on her melon? Oh, SJP. What in the hell are you smoking, love? Double oy.

Any one of you dahlings venture to guess what kind of point SJP was trying to make here? Anyone? Anyone?

Image used with permission from Newscom

Oui, Oui Paris!

Such an innocent little flower, that Paris Hilton. At least she likes to think so. I mean, check out this “Who me?” pose of hers. Whatever. You ain’t foolin’ us, P. Hil. We know all about you and your wiley ways. Right, dahlings?

But…I am so off-point, here. So Paris is putting on her best Miss Priss act. So what? What’s really important is how she looks while doing so, no? So, let’s dissect, shall we?

Now, I will warn you loves: If you’re not a Paris fan, this might be the time to change the channel. Because, though I could never, ever be counted as one of her fans, it is my duty to the world to be as fashionably objective as possible.

And so…

I think she looks great here. Aside from her Noah’s Ark-sized feet which she totally could’ve played down with strappy pumps, her overall look is actually quite fab. Her hair is the perfect summer style, her skin is glowing in all the right places (seriously, giant props to her makeup peeps) and her dress is a lovely complement to nearly any occasion. She was headed to Rockefeller Center in this pic, but she could surely wear this to a myriad of places. Hey, come to think about it, so could I.

Damn, methinks I need this dress.

Anyhoo, loves, an overall good day for P, in my snarky opinion. What do you think? Love this look or hate it? Weigh in below…

Image with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise and daughter Suri Cruise

A couple new pics of the lovely Katie Holmes (seen, of course, with hubby Tom Cruise and daughter Suri) surfaced o’er the weekend, thereby signaling loud and clear why Katie is winning in the Fashion Icon poll in the right sidebar of this fabulous blog. (Uh, you have voted already, right? If not, dammit, get voting!)

Yanno dahlings, as much as my snarky self loves glitz and flash and funk, I also adore classic elegance to the enth degree. And that is something Mrs. Cruise does so. damn. well. She’s sleek, yet real; glamorous, yet reachable. I’ve completely fallen for Katie’s style (though, in my always-perfect opinion, it would be fabby if she smiled a bit more often, but hey).

And while we’re at it, may I take a moment to mention that Tommy totally looks great, too? Love the messy hair. Very fun for him and waaaay better than the toddler-esque ‘do from a couple months back, no?

So anyhoo, congrats, Katie, on holding on to the top spot of the Snarkstress Fashion Icon poll. I’m going to leave that puppy open for another few days or so, then officially declare a winner. Reese, my love, you have a little catching up to do….

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Tara Reid

Dahlings, she wasn’t even in the original contest, but I do believe we have a winner in the Battle of the Boob Dress. None other than Ms. Tara Reid.

Clearly, Tara smokes both Jenny Mc Carthy, and particularly Pamela Anderson. Girl is doing The Boob Dress right. Go Tara.

After claims of botched up plastic surgery, it appears as though Tara’s ta-tas have been fixed and fixed well. Of course, The Girls are not the only stars here. The dress itself is absolutely gorgeous. The detail, the train, the color - all utterly and completely fab.

And so thusfore, my dahlings, Tara officially swoops in to win the Snarkstress Seal of Approval for Boob Dress Done Best. Bravo! We should all take note for the next time an opportunity to wear a Boob Dress presents itself. Like to church tomorrow or something.

What?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

Well, dahlings, it appears as though Pretty Boy Spencer Pratt and Beautiful Girl Heidi Montag, are taking things a bit too far in the “How-close-can-we-possibly-look-to-Ken-and-Barbie” department.

I mean, come on.

Since this is Spence’s standby dressed-up look, I’ll excuse everything but his crappy posture. But Heidi? Lawda mercy. Girlfriend’s hair screams “Wedding Day Barbie” and the slip, er, dress, screams “Wedding Day Barbie’s Honeymoon in Nashville goes awry”.

And don’t even get me started on those gawdawful, ugly-ass golden blocks on her feet. Gah!

So, I suppose it’s pretty obvious that I am very much packing up my Snarkstress Seal of Approval and saving it for when these two decide to look like human humans and not doll-like humans. Yanno?

Wonder if that will ever happen…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Brittany Snow

Another request for a celeb closet raid, dahlings. This time, I’m after Brittany Snow’s gorgeous white trench coat.

Look at this thing - it’s fabulous! Now, it’s no secret my snarky self is head-over-heels for the classic black and white combo, but it still has to be a great cut to qualify for my Snarkstress Seal of Approval. Well, this thing has got the cut. It’s proportions are perfect.

I. Must. Have. This. Coat.

And. So. Should. You.

Of course, then we’d all look like clones. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. At least we’d all be stylish clones. That’s more than we can say about some people, eh Lindsay?

Anyhoo, loves, if anyone has people who know Brittany’s people, be a lamb and get a hold of this coat for me, won’t you? I’d use my own peeps, but they’re busy setting up my Hawaiian get-away with Adrian Grenier. You know how it is…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Lindsay Lohan

Oy, loves. This is not a good look on Miss Lindsay Lohan. An ill-fitting bubble dress with hideous shoes? Blech.

Yes, I realize I am not a bubble dress fan to begin with. Rarely do I dig anyone in them at all, so seeing LiLo in this disaster takes the cake. Add to it the fact that The Girls are totally saggy and the dress’s bodice appears to be quite loose around the side, and whoo-ee! Someone pluck my poor eyeballs out with tweezers soaked in grapefruit juice. Please. It’s bound to be better than looking at this wretched photo for any length of time.

Yanno, one would expect so much more out of a notorious shopping diva like Lindsay. Of course, one would also expect said diva to keep her roots up a bit better and to smear on some bleeping makeup before heading out, but I digress.

Anyhoo, dahlings, this look is a giant miss from Mama Snarkstress. How ’bout you all?

Leona Lewis

Newsflash, dahlings: The absolutely gorgeous, stunning, fabulous songbird, Leona Lewis, has apparently given up singing in exchange for a herding career. Damn. And I was totally digging her tunes.

Thankfully, she has decided to take herding high-fashion though, as seen here with her stilettos of choice. But let it be known that while I appreciate her effort, I still give her a giant “Nay” in the shoe department. Why? Well, though the shoes are purdy, they totally do not do a thing for her legs. Which is a crying shame.

Anyhoo, the dress is all wrong, too, so aside from her beautiful face and hair, this look is better off left baaa-aaack in the fields somewhere…to be eaten by sheep.

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Pamela Anderson

Jenny Mc Carthy

Ah yes. The Boob Dress. A Hollywood staple, for sure, but some tend to rock this look better than others. Much better.

Take Pamela Anderson and Jenny Mc Carthy, for instance. Both buxom blondes. Both strong forces in H-town. Both sporting The Boob Dress. Jenny’s rocking hers. Pam, not so much.

I think the difference here, dahlings, is that Jenny has chosen to flaunt one part of her person. The Girls are clearly the star of this show. But Jen’s hair, makeup and jewels are all very sophisticated and appropriate. Plus, the skirt of her dress is modest.

Pamela, on the other hand, is showing everything off. Her slit’s up-to-there, her hair and makeup are scraggly, her lips are freakish. And pairing crappy black shoes with her white dress cheapens the look even further. Therein lies the difference.

Lesson of the day: To rock The Boob Dress, let the boobs have their moment and keep the rest of your look subdued.

Hear that, Pam?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Yanno dahlings, there ain’t a damn thing I can say nice about this get-up. I have no idea what the supposedly iconic Sienna Miller was trying to achieve here, but I can just imagine how many teenage boys kept dropping things nearby her, if you know what I mean.

Sigh.

Honestly, I’m really not sure why this chick is seen as a fashion role model. I wouldn’t even dress my collection of voodoo dolls in nonsense like this. Seriously.

Anyhoo, loves, hope you all had a fabby weekend. Looking forward to a snarky week to come. See you on the flip side. *mwah*

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com