Snarkstress » hollywood

Who Wore It Best: Sophie or LeAnn

The Snarkstress — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 03:14:22 +0000

The tshirt dress is a staple for any girl’s wardrobe – but Sophie Monk and LeAnn Rimes seem to have the same misunderstanding about just how “tshirt-y” the tshirt dress should be. Indeed, Sophie’s version is shorter, sexier and almost a wee bit risque. LeAnn on the other hand looks a tad frumpy in her crisp white shirt…almost like she just rolled out of her lover’s bed, grabbed his shirt and snuck out the door. The shoe choices each of them have made only compound the differences evident in each of their outfits.

What do they have in common? Both ladies found themselves out of gas in Los Angeles over the weekend.

Who wore it best? Would you rather opt for boyfriend-ish casual or a sexy makeshift mini?

Image: Fame Pictures

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Are Those Bugs On Your Dress, Lorielle New?

The Snarkstress — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 14:19:41 +0000

I don’t even remember the last time I saw a floral print this gaudy and cheap looking…but I’m pretty sure it was in the mid-nineties when big butterfly prints and little daisy sundresses reigned surpreme.

Unfortunately for Lorielle New, this is not the nineties – it’s 2009 and she’s on red carpet for the Los Angeles premiere of “Shorts”. Between the hat, that ugly necklace, strangely out of place crocodile print purse and this loud print that doesn’t belong anywhere (not in a dress, or top, or shoes, or even little mini clutch wallet for that matter) I’m just surprised her shoes aren’t worse. Those bejeweled babies are the best thing happening right here.

The rest…well…I guess there is a reason we don’t typically see Ms. New on the red carpet, now isn’t there?

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Speidi Are Still Obnoxious Fame Whores

The Snarkstress — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:00:50 +0000

You have to be pretty pathetic and narcissistic to walk around all day with a copy of your nearly nude girlfriend on the cover of a magazine. I realize you two haven’t had much to do lately, but wouldn’t this have been a nice moment for Heidi and Spencer time? Quiet reflection on how completely and utterly made for each other you two are – both being such obnoxious fame whores and all.

Yes, on two more separate occasions Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were seen posing with Heidi’s upcoming issue of Playboy. The first picture is of Heidi and Spencer outside of CUT Steakhouse in Beverly Hills after celebrating Pratt’s 26th birthday. The second photo is from the day before when they took Playboy out for some frozen yogurt.

Image: Fame Pictures

But the catch? The really humorous part of all this? When you’re waving a copy of your airbrushed face in front of the paparazzi, it can’t be surprising to find that they subsequently compare the pristine pages created by Playboy’s photo retouchers to actuality…where Heidi has flaws like the rest of us – including a prominent cluster of zitsvisible on her chin.

It may not be justice for being so ridiculously annoying, but it sure is amusing.

Image: Fame Pictures

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I Had Just Sort Of Forgotten About Speidi

The Snarkstress — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 16:44:30 +0000

I had finally repressed the last season of The Hills and Speidi’s horrible display of whiny behavior on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here but now…they’re back.

Here is Heidi Montag at the Los Angeles Premiere of G.I. Joe: The Rise of The Cobra and I just can’t get over how plastic she looks. It shouldn’t be surprising at this point. Enough time and money has been spent on sculpting her into a slutty looking Barbie doll. But I still hold out a secret hope that Heidi will go back to her pre-Spencer roots (and I do mean roots as in something a little more subdued than platinum blonde, dear) and be normal again.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Well, if the path back to normal includes a pitstop on the cover of Playboy then maybe my dream will come true.

Sadly I think instead this seals the fact that sweet Heidi is gone for ever and this publicity whore and her joker of a husband aren’t going to give up on their 15 minutes of fame anytime soon.

Who does this at a movie premiere???

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Sienna Miller At LA Premiere of G.I. Joe

The Snarkstress — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 15:49:21 +0000

Lately I have been rather tough on Sienna Miller. She has disappointed with ugly pants and hideous patterns. But this old Hollywood inspired gold gown for the Hollywood premiere of G.I. Joe is gorgeous. Reminiscent of the canary yellow gown that really elevated Michelle Williams from Dawson’s Creek to Hollywood Starlet at the Oscars a few years ago, this is a long overdue improvement for Sienna’s typical miniskirts and mod shapes.

Well done, Sienna – everything from the soft waves to the burgandy lips is polished and perfect for this event. Lets hope we continue to see more of the same, please!

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Janice Dickinson Shows Us How To Age Poorly

The Snarkstress — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 03:29:52 +0000

On the heels of a brilliantly common sense study about how tanning beds are basically designed to kill people (regardless of how perfectly bronze one’s skin becomes), here is Janice Dickinson looking like a tomato while on her way to Madeo Restaurant in West Hollywood. I’m not even sure what to cover first. How much the outfit she is wearing offends my sensibilities? Or the way her enormous fake boobs actually look saggy in the top. What about the frighteningly veiny calves?

Janice, sweetie – you’re getting older. Deal with it. This level of extreme lengths to be as vain as possible is appalling. And the most appalling bit – worse than the shirt, the fake boobs, the calves – is the bright red sunburned skin.

Someone get this woman a tube of sunscreen and a piece of chocolate cake, please.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Jessica Simpson, Was Ken Paves Off Duty?

The Snarkstress — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 21:15:38 +0000

Oh, Jessica Simpson. With a friend like Ken Paves, you would think that your hair would always look good.And usually it does. But these lackluster locks are a disgrace to the entire fake hair brand the two of you created.

But worse than the hair, darling Jess, is the dress. Honey, you have one heck of a chest. I thoroughly commend you for your curvy shape and ample bosom. But this neckline is making you look like one heck of a trampy hillbilly.

Are you trying to hurt Ken Paves’ feelings on his birthday? Do you even realize how unflattering this whole look is?

I hope so, Jess. You’re a free agent now – put on a minidress that actually flatters your figure and come up with a better solution for the greasy mop on your head.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Paris Hilton’s Hippie Dippy Shopping Wear

The Snarkstress — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 19:39:50 +0000

Would you even really know for sure that these two are sisters if they weren’t The Hiltons. I mean honestly, it would be hard to imagine them looking any different. Here is Nicky, all chic and understated for a Friday stroll through various boutiques in Hollywood. But right next to her is Paris, all hippie-d out and overly pink for day time. Make that any time.

As Paris has slid farther down the woe-begotten reality television path, and Nicky has stepped back more and more from the spotlight, I’ve grown to not mind the less outlandish sister. Sure, there is a bit of humor to be found in the antics of Paris, but the younger sister certainly has the end when it comes to including color in an outfit, instead of letting one color (oh, I don’t know…maybe baby pink?) overpower the outfit.

Image: Fame Pictures

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What Happened, Elizabeth Banks?

The Snarkstress — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:40:12 +0000

Erm…did Elizabeth Banks’s twelve year old niece do her hair and makeup for the premiere of Funny People in Hollywood?

Because if so..well, good job little girl. But, in case there were actual professionals involved in the matter, I have to wonder if they are playing a cruel joke on Elizabeth, because the wild hair combined with the rosy cheeks and bright pink lipstick is a wee bit much if you ask me.

Everything else, well – it’s fine. The dress works, shoes look nice and her little clutch fits in well. But everything from the neck up just baffles me. Especially since I would have expected her to know better by this point. But apparently…she doesn’t.

As I said. I’m completely…utterly…and wholeheartedly...baffled.

Image: Splash News

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Toni Collette, This Just Isn’t Working

The Snarkstress — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:33:14 +0000

Are ya having a bad day, Toni?

I just can’t understand why someone as talented as you has let things get this far. Clearly, you’re a smart woman. Professional? Absolutely. But what in the name of all things holy has let you leave the house looking all greasy and sloppy like this?

Image: Splash News

Clearly, I can’t let it stand. I just can’t let you degrade your otherwise innately fabulous self by slowly turning into a wrinkled old spinster from Harry Potter. Sorry, darling…that’s the role you look poised for here.

But…that’s not all.

Did you seriously have to take it one step farther with those leggings and shoes? I mean, honestly Toni. If there was a recipe for how to make your legs look as stumpy as possible, these would be key ingredients. It’s like a trainwreck that I don’t want to stare at, but I can’t look away. My lord, you haven’t even painted your toenails, Toni…!

Maybe take a step back, reevaluate and come up with something a little bit more age appropriate with classic lines and more flattering aspects than this. Throw in some blotting papers for good measure and I’m sure you’ll be a million steps ahead the next time you are invited to one of these red carpet events, my dear.

Image: Splash News

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