But worse than the hair, darling Jess, is the dress. Honey, you have one heck of a chest. I thoroughly commend you for your curvy shape and ample bosom. But this neckline is making you look like one heck of a trampy hillbilly.

Are you trying to hurt Ken Paves’ feelings on his birthday? Do you even realize how unflattering this whole look is?

I hope so, Jess. You’re a free agent now – put on a minidress that actually flatters your figure and come up with a better solution for the greasy mop on your head.

Image: Fame Pictures

Image: Fame Pictures

Post from: Snarkstress

Here is Jessica, singing her heart out at the Cricket Wireless Amphitheatre just outside of San Diego. It’s not the fact that the shirt is form-fitting and the shorts are tight that is disappointing here. That’s typical for  on stage performances. If you compare this look to what Britney Spears is wearing on tour these days, well…Brit’s dressing like a stripper.

Image: Bauer Griffin

But Jessica is dressing like a frumpy, chubby teenager. The shirt looks cheap, the jacket is ugly and the shorts are just a sad, sad choice for anyone who isn’t awkwardly 16 years old and walking to the general store for an ice cream. And that girl wouldn’t be wearing stripper heels (Jess got one part of the erotic dancer ensemble correct), she would be wearing flip flops. Which would make the unfortunate thigh brushing and bunching less of a problem.

Image: Bauer Griffin

But then, there must still be something about Jessica – at least judging from how her guitarist is checking out what’s going on in those cutoffs from the rear.

Post from: Snarkstress

Jessica Simpson Out in NYC

I know so many of y’all hate on poor Jessica Simpson, but as daffy as she is, I still mostly dig her. And I especially love when she ditches the hideous racing gear and country bumpkin threads in exchange for glamming her bad self out.

Love her or hate her, you must admit the girl’s a stunner here. Looks like she got her hair did and her makeup is nothing short of fab. She’s even got the pouty lip thang going. Add to it the sexy peep-toes, slinky dress and wrap and you’ve got one hot tamale. Mama Snarkstress totally approves. This is a look Jess should stick with, for sure. Agreed?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Post from: Snarkstress

Another WTF outfit for your weekend, this one served up by Country Honey, Jessica Simpson.

Here’s Jess, belting it out at a race this weekend. Not a fabulous moment for her now, is it?

Um, no.

Now, I’m not one to rip on someone’s weight (all that much) but I think it is highly noticeable when Jess is not spending a zillion hours a day at the gym. The Daisy Dukes days, these are not. Yet she continues to wear them. In biker form.

Barf.

Jess, it might be time to settle on a personal style and stick with it. Between your genre-crossing and your wacky get-ups, I’m just not loving you as much as I once did. Help me love you again, won’t you?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Post from: Snarkstress

Jessica Simpson on GMA

Gawd bless Jessica Simpson for getting her yee-hawing buns out on the concert circuit (here, performing live on Good Morning America), but holy hell. Who dressed this girl? She looks more like she’s about to slip on some wooden clogs or something, rather than cowboy boots. And the top? Gah! Talk about a horrible fit! I’m all for showing off The Girls you know, but here the cut of this wretched blouse-thingy is just plain wrong.

I’m aghast that someone who is looking to make a name for herself in a whole other genre than what’s she’s already famous for would not put her best foot forward. We all know that those country girls can be hot, hot, hot (right, Carrie?) and it’s not necessary to pull out the ugliest dress in history to be remembered. Nor is it necessary to wear the sheerest makeup around, so it looks like you didn’t even bother. Sheesh.

I’m not nearly a country gal, Jess, but I’m still rootin’ fer ya. But you’ll need to do a little bit better, fashion-wise though, mm-kay? Thanks.

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Post from: Snarkstress

Look at Jessica Simpson, bustin’ out the Daisy Dukes again. She must be longing for those controversial Dukes of Hazzard days, eh? (Does anyone else miss Jess and Nick together, or is it just moi?) Regardless, her stems can pull these short little ditties off, so why the hell not?

The thing I’m concerned about, however, is the gargantuan bag. She carries these around, like, always. Just what is she hiding in there? A dead body? Her ever-present hairstylist/bff Ken Paves? A photo album from the Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica days? Or maybe she’s just using those mega-bags to hide behind? I dunno. But whatever, I am seriously over these mongo things (and have been for ages. Sigh.)

On the plus side, Jess’s hair looks stellar and her makeup is amazingly perfect. I won’t be shy about admitting that some girls just look better all fussed up. Jess is one.

Hmmm. Maybe Ken Paves is in that bag, after all…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Post from: Snarkstress

Jessica Simpson out in NYC

Here’s our girl, Jessica Simpson, out and about with her attached-at-the-hip hairdresser, Ken Paves, in tow in NYC. Here’s my take on Jess:

I love her hair. It’s full, healthy and fab. Guess there is some benefit to having a hair stylist as your BFF, no?

As for the clothes…um, the dress. Is it ill-fitting? I dunno. Where is her cleavage?!? Gawd knows this girl’s claim to fame is her other-worldly rack, so where the hell is it? It’s non-existent with that dress on.

Then I think I might like the frock’s fabric, but maybe not. Is it a smidge on the order of a Hefty trashbag? Maybe so.

The shoes? Hmmm…Not sure I’m in love with those either.

Oh hell. I can’t make up my mind on anything. You can tell it’s Friday, that’s fer damn sure.

Okay, dahlings. It’s all up to you. What say you about J. Simp’s garb? You likey or does she receive a hearty “Oh hail no!” from you? Leave your comments below. And remember, it’s the freakin’ weekend. Let ‘er rip…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline

Post from: Snarkstress

Sorry loves, but I still dig Jessica Simpson. Don’t hold it against me. She’s a totally bubble-head, sure, but so what? Gives her character (or something).

So here’s my Jess, leaving a din-din at Nobu in NYC. Although she’s not particularly looking her dreamiest from The Girls up, (you’re in NY, Jess, getchyer roots done, set the long ass tresses in some hot rollers and throw on some makeup. Please.), I lurve this buttercup yellow with her coloring and adore the accessories she’s put with the look. The clutch is fun and funky, with great colors and a big ‘ol shape. The shoes are perfect and I’m a big fan of grouping bangles. The cut of the dress is fab for her. She’s almost looking perfecto here.

If only she’d get her buns to the salon.

What do you think, dahlings? You like this look on Jess or no? Speak now…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Post from: Snarkstress

It’s been a while since we’ve chatted about Jessica Simpson, dahlings, but when I saw her wearing some starving artist’s painting canvas, I could hardly resist.

Seriously, this either looks like a painting which has been crafted into an ill-fitting tube dress, or the interior fabric of a cruise ship sofa, also crafted into an ill-fitting tube dress. Gah!

All in all, not loving this look, Jess. Beeeeep. Please. Try. Again.

Image: Newscom

Post from: Snarkstress

Love her or hate her (I personally love her. No really dahlings, I swear I do.) you gotta hand it to Jessica Simpson for visiting Kuwait for the Operation MySpace Concert. Girl manages to be fashionable even in the heat of the desert (Daisy Dukes and flight gear are totally fashionable, right?)

Of course, I’m thrilled this is not a regular look for Jess, but somehow it seems just right for the situation. Plus her makeup looks freakin’ awesome and her mani is totally fresh. Gotta give it to the girl, hm loves?

Post from: Snarkstress