Well, it was all about the Oscars last night (thank you Writer’s Strike Gods) and the ladies brought it in a big way. There were so many fabby looks flitting down the Red Carpet, it was all my fashionable mind could dream about last night.

Because of this, Snarkstress will be featuring some of my fave looks from last night’s fete. It’s only right, yanno?

I feel as though I must lead off with my Number Uno, be all and end all, top choice: Heidi Klum. Girlfriend rocked it out. The Oscars are all about awarding the best in dramatics, and goddamn, they really ought to have an award for Outstanding Dress on the Red Carpet. Since they don’t, I shall hand out my own award, lovingly (and fittingly) titled The Snarky. And so, without further adieu, my first annual Snarky goes to… Ms. Klum. Bravo!

Heidi was the total package. The bold red dress, the dramatic flair of the neck wrap-around, the earrings that resembled pieces of art, the understated accessories, the sleek but accessible hair, the perfect, perfect, perfect makeup, and of course, her ass-kicking signature smile. A total winner, indeed!

What say you, dahlings? Was Heidi your fave? If not, stick around for more – we are far from done here today.

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There’s no denying Girl looks good in red, but the cut of Heidi Klum’s dress baffles me. It’s asymmetrical, fine, I get it. But the buttons on this thing make it look like a junior highschooler’s Home Ec project gone bad. Project Runway, my ass. How ’bout Project Hack Job instead.

Heidi, dahling, stick to your sexy ways from the ‘07 Emmy’s. That’s the way we love you, presh, just remember that.

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No More Sesame Street Guest Spots for Heidi Klum

Newsflash, dahlings:

Word around the preschool set is that Cookie Monster has gone missing!

One look at this photo, and I think we know who took him. And why he’s probably feeling a little drafty right about now.

I guess if Sesame Street is short a fuzzy blue monster for the next few weeks we’ll all know why. Grover, if I were you, I’d be taking cover, brother. Pronto!

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Yodel-ay-hee-ewwwww!

Why do I suddenly feel like yodeling? Ah, wait. Perhaps it’s this horribly wretched outfit that sexay thang Gisele Bundchen is sporting. WTF is this all about, anyway? Yeah, this was a fashion show, and yes, rarely is anything in a fashion show even remotely wearable in the real world, but damn! I’ve got Mountain Goat Fever here looking at this ensemble.

Gisele, dahling, I know this designer is paying you all kinds of money to drape this over your rockin bod, but perhaps you could head back to Vickie’s and stick to million dollar bras and angel wings? That’s the way we like you. Oh, and hanging all over Mr. SexyHot, Tom Brady, of course. Rowr.

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