As Paris has slid farther down the woe-begotten reality television path, and Nicky has stepped back more and more from the spotlight, I’ve grown to not mind the less outlandish sister. Sure, there is a bit of humor to be found in the antics of Paris, but the younger sister certainly has the end when it comes to including color in an outfit, instead of letting one color (oh, I don’t know…maybe baby pink?) overpower the outfit.

Image: Fame Pictures

Image: Fame Pictures

Image: Fame Pictures

Post from: Snarkstress

Apparently, Miss Hilton didn’t promote the DVD release of her last film ‘Pledge This!’ enough – I’m sorry, but do the producers really think that Paris Hilton would have swayed the audience on this one. Sure, her perfume sells well – but acting….yeah…well…Paris hasn’t exactly shown herself to be a natural on the big screen, now has she (and don’t even try to tell me that’s because she just hasn’t landed in the right role yet).

The $8 million in damages seems excessive, even if Paris Hilton had gone as far as to tell the American public not to purchase the DVD. Indeed, the best thing that comes out of these ridiculous allegations – regardless of whether or not Paris could have pimped the movie even a teeny bit more – is this classic black ensemble that makes me forget all the reasons why her presence usually triggers an eye roll without a second thought.

Image: INF

Post from: Snarkstress

Sidenote: Why does Doug always look so pensive? Who told him that one facial expression for every single photo is a good idea? I can’t tell if he is supremely talented and maintaining his composure in front of a few dozen flashing cameras, or simply doesn’t have a thought running through his mind at either moment below.

But I digress..

Everyone else seems to have given up on this awful headband resurgence, so I can’t understand why Paris Hilton won’t let it go. It’s not as if she can’t afford a few hair extensions if it’s the awkward bob that’s causing her to hang on to this deader than dead trend.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Even an ugly gladiator-meets-mermaid gown doesn’t deter her from throwing on a headband before stepping out the door.

Maybe it’s a good thing Doug is concentrating so hard on being a mysterious non-smiler.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Post from: Snarkstress

Here she is with boyfriend Doug Reinhardt arriving at The Pegasus Yacht for an after-party. Lavender everywhere (and a left boob looking like it’s trying to make an escape), which doesn’t seem like the kind of choice Paris would usually make. I certainly don’t think she’s much more than an annoying socialite with too much money and time on her hands, but she has never struck me as the overly matchy match type.

Image: Bauer Griffin

That is, until I saw her yet again picking only one color to pull her outfit together, this time a not so daring aqua, as she spent some quality time swimming at the hotel pool with Dougie.

Does she maybe have this whole outfit in ten different colors, every accessory and piece of clothes matched down to the exact pantone number? The colors aren’t my only concern – that dress looks like it’s from a Vegas show and is she really so committed to the headband that she has to wear it in the pool. God, I hate those headbands.

I’m hoping that this isn’t a trend that continues for Paris. She may not be a favorite for me, but this is a new low that just looks plain tacky.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Post from: Snarkstress

I must not be alone in my disdain for Paris Hilton’s hat – the British businessman behind her clearly doesn’t approve of her attire either. Combined with her childish shirt (how old is this girl again?) and oblivious grin, I can’t even imagine the thoughts that run through her dear little mind on a daily basis.

Apparently “maybe I should find a beanie that doesn’t offend London locals” wasn’t running around up there.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Post from: Snarkstress

Dear lord, is Kathy carrying a purse with Paris Hilton’s face on it?

And why are you still torturing me with those metal headbands, Paris? I’m not even going to get into all that’s wrong with Kathy’s outfit because clearly this is nothing more than a sad act for attention which…makes no sense at all but at least offered some amusement for the tourists with their camera phones.

Sidenote about your hair, Kathy…you need a new stylist pronto…that is not a flattering look for you in the least.

Image: INF

Look, ladies…you’ve had a good run of it. And I could understand where combining your efforts may have seemed like a good plan on paper. But it’s really not. I think at this point you both need to spend a little time reflecting and a lot less time wearing costumes on the street for attention. I’ve indulged you once here…assuming that the pseudo “fame” has simply gone to your head…but that’s it, girls. Now go home and for the love of god burn everything you own that’s teal.

Post from: Snarkstress

But it doesn’t stop there.

Can we just eliminate white heels entirely? Or at least check people at the door to see how many white accessories/pieces of clothing they are wearing. White purse, white shoes, white dress, is this Paris Hilton or a polar bear stuck in a snow storm.

Maybe this is a test for her friend-testants. Who will be the one honest/ballsy enough to say tell Paris she looks like a spoiled little girl trying to pull off “rockstar”…?

Image: Splash News

Post from: Snarkstress

By now we are all mighty used to one Paris Hilton wearing off-the-wall, skimpy duds pretty much everywhere she goes. But she really outdid herself at the 2009 Grammy Awards with this frock. Looks like it’s from the P. Hil Boudoir/Clown School Collection. Seriously.

I don’t mind that the girl is shakin’ down some serious color. Sure, the colors are that of a circus costume, but still.

And I don’t even mind she’s rocking a major mini. She’s got the stems to do it.

However, the combo of the style of this thing mixed with the ick-inducing colors is just too much to handle. This is one of her worst get-ups, in my snarky opinion. But yanno what? Whatever. Without Paris making major fashion eff-ups like this, I’d be out of a job. So, press on, dear Paris. Press on and find the most ridiculous garb you can…for the sake of us all.

Image: Bauer-Griffin

Post from: Snarkstress

…it just looks like one!

Seriously, y’all. What in the hell is this look all about? I’ve seen her make some silly fashion mistakes in my day, but puh-leeze. And the fact that it is so unbelievably over-the-top matchy-matchy makes it that much worse.

Maybe she ought to bust this puppy back out tonight when she goes trick or treating. That seems like a more suitable place to sport this thing, wouldn’tja say?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Post from: Snarkstress

That Paris. She sure is an awkward girl, isn’t she? One just never knows what she’s a-gonna do next. But it’s almost always worthy of a snarky comment or two, that’s for damn sure.

Take this pic, for instance. Her dress is fab. I love it. Slutty, yet sophisticated at the same time (kinda like Paris herself, no?). The clutch is over-the-top, but since she’s actually in the UK and since she is Paris Hilton, she gets away with it. Even her shoes, which normally only accentuate the boat-like status of her hooves, look to be a good choice here.

So what am I bitching about, then? How about the fact that she is in the most horridly unnatural pose a human could ever affix themselves in. Good Gawd. She looks so stiff and uncomfortable, it hurts my muscles just looking at her. Ouch. Yanno, P, a little bit of natural goes a long way in humanizing a girl. Keep that in mind, mm-kay?

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

Post from: Snarkstress