Okay, dahlings. A quick scan of The Snarkstress’s archives will quickly uncover the fact that I pretty much despise Skangelina, er, Angelina Jolie. In fact, on any given day, I’d rather sew my head to the carpet than praise this woman for anything, let alone her wardrobe.

But alas, I have reached my darkest hour. Because try as I might ignore this photo of her, I simply couldn’t. I found my ice cold heart cracking just a little, enabling a teensy smattering of appreciation to seep out.

Dahlings, it physically pains me to admit it this but, I LOVE THIS FREAKING WRAP. And not only that, SHE LOOKS FABULOUS IN IT.

Okay, there. I said it. We will speak of this no more. Praise for Angelina Jolie will never pass my lips again. I feel foul. I feel violated. I feel traitorous.

I need a drink. Make that three. Right now.

Thank Gawd it’s Friday.

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Looking Good, Daddy-O

Check out Tom Cruise, here with his oft-forgotten about son, Connor. Pretty dapper, no? I’m loving the vest under the jacket. It helps tone down the shinyness of the suit, which, coupled up with the sheen of the tie, could have come off as woefully obnoxious.

What’s more? The suit fits well, his hair doesn’t look nearly as childish as it usually does, and, I dunno, I just think he looks damn hot here. Damn hot.

So how ’bout you, dahlings? What say you about Tom and this toned-down pimpster look? Grab a Monday Margarita and let’s talk…

Welcome to your week. *mwah*

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Angelina? Fuhgeddabouder!

Quick! Someone check my coffee cup! I am certain I spiked my brew this morning, but now I’m wondering because I think I’m losing my head. Why? Because I am about to give Brad Pitt’s godforsaken hat my Snarkstress Seal of Approval.

Dahlings, it’s no secret I hate this hair-hider, but goddamn, here it actually looks fantastic! I love the unusual pairing of brown and grey. I love the winterish look going on here. I love the texture of this jacket (and how I’d love to rub my snarky hands all over it to give it a good feel, wink-wink). I love how these jeans are faded in all the right places. I love the cocked eyebrow/half smile on Brad’s face. I love that he’s missing his regular Accessory du Skangelina.

The only bitch I have here is that his hair looks greasy under that cap, which I’m sure it would be since he never takes the freaking thing off. Oh, and the weird Mafia-ish hand gesture, too. That’s a little off-putting. But other than that, this look gets my Hot Stuff award! Men of the world, take note.

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Berry’s Baby Bump

Boy, there are a whole lot of bumps going on in Hollywood right now. Has it been extra cold over there or something? Sheesh. No matter, Bump Watch is always a fun past time, and I am totally looking forward to seeing what Jessica Alba and Nicole Kidman brew up. I’ll bet they’ll be sickeningly cute and stylish. But for now, one bump reigns supreme: Halle Berry’s.

Look how damn hot she is here. She’s absolutely gorgeous and that dress is totally appropriate and glamorous. She has got to be dying in those sky-high heels, and that makes me love them that much more. The best part? You can tell Halle’s been taking care of herself. She looks healthy – not like a Hollywood Super-Stick – and that is both refreshing and encouraging.

This chick should make all the Preggies of the world damn proud. Celebrate the bump, Halle, dahling! You. Da. Woman!

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Katie Holmes at the Critic’s Choice Awards

The race is on and Katie Holmes and Reese Witherspoon are neck and neck in the great debate of Hollywood’s Top Style Icon. But I hafta say, Katie’s look at Sunday’s Critic’s Choice Awards may be enough to push her into the top spot. She looked stunning, yet real. I half expect her to have some running gear or Mom threads under that fabulous dress, and some tennies backstage so she can interchange between her different “lives”.

But Reese rocks, too, so damn. Tough call.

Have you voted in my poll yet? If not, hop over to the right sidebar and let your voice be heard!

Photo Credit: Just Jared

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P. Hil + K. Fed = Fashionable Love?

Well now here’s a couple I never expected to see even in my scariest nightmare: Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline. Gah! But here they are, hanging in Vegas, preparing for what promises to be a very interesting new year.

So, okay, they weren’t canoodling or anything, but there does seem to be some strange cuteness about them. They’re both looking at the top of their fashionable game (I love Paris’s dress and unusual ‘do) and Fed’s rocking that Caucasian-Refuse-Who-Scored-A-Tidy-Sum-In-Spousal-Support-From-A-Certain-Shaven-Headed-Train-Wreck look. All in all, a frightening as it sounds, I’d predict a fairly decent fashion future for these two.

Can’t wait to see what their fate may be. 2008, do your thang!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, DAHLINGS! Hope last evening was fun, exciting and blurry! Here’s to some great Fashion F***-Ups in the year to come!

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See ya, 2007. Thanks for the Memories!

As we prepare to blow out the candles of 2007 and pop the cork to 2008, I just wanted to thank you all for an amazing year! I’ve had so much fun and I hope you have, too. I can’t wait for more drinks and dishing in the year to come and I hope you’ll come with me.

Wishing you all the best in the New Year!!!

Big Kisses, Dahlings! *MWAAAAAAH!*

Your Snarky Pal,
Snarkstress

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This might be the simplest post I have ever written. Truly.

As promised, I bring you Becks’s Tightie Whitie Photo (aka The David Beckham Armani Underwear Ad). Ready for my wordy and well-thought-out commentary, my dahlings? Okay, here it is:

Feast. Your. Eyes.

Goodnight.

*This photo was originally featured on another Snark-tastic site, Gossip On Sports. Thanks to Jodie for this exceptional early Christmas gift! *mwah*

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Peace Out, Peeps

First off, dahlings, let me take a moment to note how many times I had to use my backspace button because my fingers just can’t help but type “Ray” after “Miley”. As in, Miley Ray Cyrus. Cripe. My snarky brain just can’t grasp that she ain’t her daddy’s namesake, thank Gawd. Moving on…

Here’s Miss Hannah Montana herself, the uber-adored Miley Cyrus. While the threat of over-exposure surrounds this chick like a gaggle of over-zealous fans, I still kind of like her in that “She’s cute, talented and not-too-annoying” kind of way. It’s not her fault her Daddy-o sang the worst song ever recorded, after all. I guess we shouldn’t hold that against her, right loves?

So while I’m not thrilled with parts of this look on such a young girl, I do like the risks she’s taking here – the very grape-ity color, the metallic skinny belt and the shrunken jacket. However, the cowl-neck is way too old for her and I’d rather see a more youthful hemline at the end of her skirt, but hey, she’s halfway there. I love that she’s kept her hair bouncy and fun and her cute little fresh-faced smile is always welcome. But yanno what I dig the most? This girl be rockin’ some curves. She’s not all sickly and stick-like and what-not. Now that is a characteristic of a young girl’s role model I’d die to see more of.

My summary: Rock on, Miley! You get the much-coveted Snarkstress Seal of Approval. *mwah*

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It’s Almost Show Time!

Consider this your Public Service Announcement of the Day, dahlings. The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show: Be there…or be chastised by moi.

See, here’s the thing. I have a very hearty obsession for all things Victoria’s Secret, and it’s not because I’m that way, it’s because I appreciate beauty (and I also happen to appreciate Fashion *uck-ups, as you well know) and I think these girls are gorgeous. And the VS team must work like dogs to put on such an intricate (and pricey) show.

So what I’m saying to you is this: I’d rather set my wicked-fabulous hair ablaze a la Michael Jackson than miss this show tomorrow night. And I hope you’ll watch it too, so we can have deep chats over pitchers of spiked whatevers and enjoy each other’s company.

Stay tuned and let your voice be heard…

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