Looking Good, Daddy-O

Check out Tom Cruise, here with his oft-forgotten about son, Connor. Pretty dapper, no? I’m loving the vest under the jacket. It helps tone down the shinyness of the suit, which, coupled up with the sheen of the tie, could have come off as woefully obnoxious.

What’s more? The suit fits well, his hair doesn’t look nearly as childish as it usually does, and, I dunno, I just think he looks damn hot here. Damn hot.

So how ’bout you, dahlings? What say you about Tom and this toned-down pimpster look? Grab a Monday Margarita and let’s talk…

Welcome to your week. *mwah*

Post from: Snarkstress

Angelina? Fuhgeddabouder!

Quick! Someone check my coffee cup! I am certain I spiked my brew this morning, but now I’m wondering because I think I’m losing my head. Why? Because I am about to give Brad Pitt’s godforsaken hat my Snarkstress Seal of Approval.

Dahlings, it’s no secret I hate this hair-hider, but goddamn, here it actually looks fantastic! I love the unusual pairing of brown and grey. I love the winterish look going on here. I love the texture of this jacket (and how I’d love to rub my snarky hands all over it to give it a good feel, wink-wink). I love how these jeans are faded in all the right places. I love the cocked eyebrow/half smile on Brad’s face. I love that he’s missing his regular Accessory du Skangelina.

The only bitch I have here is that his hair looks greasy under that cap, which I’m sure it would be since he never takes the freaking thing off. Oh, and the weird Mafia-ish hand gesture, too. That’s a little off-putting. But other than that, this look gets my Hot Stuff award! Men of the world, take note.

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Just WTF is Going on Here?!?

Uhhh…..

Dahlings, what in the hell has happened to this gorgeous supercouple? Seriously, I have not seen a photo of Victoria and David Beckham this hideous in, like, ever. It’s rare to ever see a pic where these two are not looking at the top of their game, but this…this is despicable. I feel like I’m watching some wretched Dick Tracy movie unfold in front of my eyes, only in this version, the heroine’s round mounds are tanned beyond insanity and her face is so droid-like pointy and over-the-top made-up that it’s scaring little children away.

Add to the mix the fact that both of these kids are having horrible, horrible hair days, and Gah! In my snarky opinion, Becks needs to stick with longer and messier, with some blond highlights, not an all-over peroxide rinse. And in my mind, there is a damned good reason Posh has the cutest hairdo ever (normally) – because she looks awful with her hair pulled away from her face like this!

Yanno Loves, at this point, I am ready to pretend I have never even seen this photo. I keep hoping it’s a deception of my eyes, that I’ll awaken to find a perfectly kick-ass pic of these two on my Home Page and that this all was a bad, bad nightmare.

Please, Sandman, make it so…

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Think Fergie’s Clumsy in the Looks Department?

By now you’ve all probably heard the big news that singer Fergie is sporting mega-hottie Josh Duhamel’s bling. And while I’m happy for any sistah who can score that fine hunk of manflesh, sometimes when I look at Fergie, I find myself thinking…Damn! That chick looks like manflesh.

So, this has been bugging me for ages, dahlings. Am I the only one who feels this way? I mean, yes, the chick’s bod is rocking and I know she works her ass off (literally) to get it that way. But her face…it’s just so…dudelike. I’m not sure if it’s her small forehead, manly butt-chin, or angular facial structure, but she just isn’t a soft lady-like creature.

My two cents, of course. Maybe you feel differently? Grab a drinkie and we’ll discuss…

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This might be the simplest post I have ever written. Truly.

As promised, I bring you Becks’s Tightie Whitie Photo (aka The David Beckham Armani Underwear Ad). Ready for my wordy and well-thought-out commentary, my dahlings? Okay, here it is:

Feast. Your. Eyes.

Goodnight.

*This photo was originally featured on another Snark-tastic site, Gossip On Sports. Thanks to Jodie for this exceptional early Christmas gift! *mwah*

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Headed for a Fashion *uck-Up!

It’s not often I have something nasty to say about David Beckham, but when I saw this pic, I paused…and not just to wipe the drool from my snarky lips.

No, I paused in this instance because I am having a hard time figuring out just what in the hell is on Becks’s head. Looks partially like an adult diaper, partially like a baby’s sweater. Hey, wait! Maybe it is a baby’s sweater. Maybe this is their way of announcing Posh’s impending bump?!? Man, wouldja get a load of my diagnostic skillz? CSI, here I come!

So anyhoo, back to this cable-knit disaster. Yanno, it may have been halfway forgivable if it at least fit properly. But its scary resemblance to Depends is simply far too much for this snarky broad to handle. Even Posh looks embarrassed over this. Hiding her eyes and her gorgeous smile and what not (snzxxxxx!)

Okay, enough. Maybe later I’ll dig up a pic of Becks in his new tightie whitie ad campaign. We’ll see, dahlings, we’ll see.

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I’m hoping the men of the world will take note here. Not only is Will Smith talented, dedicated and completely in love with his wife (Work it, Jada!), he is also one helluva dresser.

Now, some might think an international phenom such as Mr. Smith might rest on his laurels and dial in a shitty fashion performance, but that he does not. His hair is always well-kept, he’s always got just the right amount of bling on and he never fails to look pulled-together. Here, he’s looking like all that and a shot of Crown Royal. I love the turtleneck (and let me just say that there are very few men who can pull off a turtleneck – it’s a height thing. If you’re a dude, you must be tall to work a turtle, end of story). I’m also digging on the manly (but dressy) coat he’s wearing, and, of course, the million-watt smile and genuine radiation of confidence doesn’t hurt either.

So, here’s the lesson to be learned, dahlings. In addition to tricking your man out in some stylish threads, encourage him to be the anti-Posh and crack a smile, carry himself well, and “own it”.

Happy Sunday! *mwah*

Post from: Snarkstress

Continuing with Day 2 of When Snarkstress’s Fabby Faves *uck Up we have one-time mega-sexyhot Angie-and-all-these-damn-kids-are-making-me-go-bald Brad Pitt, donning once again this freaking cap that he must’ve gotten surgically affixed to his head to cover his grays and baldness. I mean, seriously dahlings, show me a recent picture of Mr. Pitt without this hat on and I’ll love you to death (well, more than I already do). The hat shows up while out shopping, at movie premieres…shit, I think he even had it on at the beach once. Oh wait, the Jolie-Pitt clan doesn’t go to the beach. Angie might be turned to dust by the sun.

Anyway, I say enough with the flippety-flappin’ hat, Brad. Give it a rest, already. Wear it only on super-super special occasions. Or give it to Angelina to wear. Now that would be more appropriate.

Post from: Snarkstress

We interrupt this regularly-scheduled shredding to bring you kick-ass news: Katie Holmes completed the NYC marathon over the weekend in under six hours. That’s 26 miles, people. Holy shit.

Yeah, I rip on her a tad (like, uh, her girls are looking totally droopy in her running gear here), but really, that is one hulluva feat for the 28-year-old Mama. And what’s even more noteworthy: Just hours later, she strapped on her stilettos to take in a special screening of Tommy Boy’s Lions for Lambs. Now that’s a woman!

Okay, now that I got those niceties out of my system, may I just say that Tom looks a smidge overdressed for a freaking marathon watch-session (does the man even own any jeans?!?) and that most of the six-year-olds I know have a more stylish haircut than he does. Really.

Phew. Now, I feel better.

Props to Ms. Katie once again – as I sit here eating my Sausage Mc Muffin and sipping my (third) mimosa. Sigh.

Post from: Snarkstress

Oh Gawd, dahlings, what a day. First I had to endure a brutal hangover from last night’s glowing punch, now I have to be assaulted with this photo. A horrific photo of the one man I’d consider leaving Mr. Snarkster for (well, er, uh…one of the men, anyway). My sexy little I-don’t-even-try-but-I’m-that-hot-anyway cutie, Entourage’s Adrian Grenier.

Now, just WTF does this fine man think he’s doing in gear like this? And with a scantily clad chicklet trailing behind, no less? I mean, baby, it’s bad enough you’re wearing a skin tight Jazzercise onesie. But then you gotta go and pick it in electric blue besides? Gah! I’m crying myself into hysterics here.

Listen bub, when we hook up some day, this outfit’s headed to the incinerator. Count on it.

Now, please, someone pass me the Advil…and get this godforesaken punch out of my kitchen.

Post from: Snarkstress