Okay, dahlings. A quick scan of The Snarkstress’s archives will quickly uncover the fact that I pretty much despise Skangelina, er, Angelina Jolie. In fact, on any given day, I’d rather sew my head to the carpet than praise this woman for anything, let alone her wardrobe.

But alas, I have reached my darkest hour. Because try as I might ignore this photo of her, I simply couldn’t. I found my ice cold heart cracking just a little, enabling a teensy smattering of appreciation to seep out.

Dahlings, it physically pains me to admit it this but, I LOVE THIS FREAKING WRAP. And not only that, SHE LOOKS FABULOUS IN IT.

Okay, there. I said it. We will speak of this no more. Praise for Angelina Jolie will never pass my lips again. I feel foul. I feel violated. I feel traitorous.

I need a drink. Make that three. Right now.

Thank Gawd it’s Friday.

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Dahlings, I have a question: With her sophisticated new look, her husband’s support and returned-to-calm demeanor and a beautiful baby girl, why does the Snarkstress Style Icon Leader, Katie Holmes, never seem to be smiling anymore? Why?

I’ll tell you why: she’s been hanging out with the likes of Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Frowny-Face, too much lately. Seriously. Doesn’t it seem a bit like a coinky-dink that Katie’s hair is suddenly a sleek bob? That she’s lost a gazillion pounds (she still looks good, but is definitely on the verge of over-doing it right quick here)? That she seems to always angle her face in “that way” narrowing her eyes a bit to look mysterious and coy? Me thinks the Beckhams and Cruises have had one too many dinner parties where Posh is conducting “Look Like an Indifferent Bitch 101″ seminars and Katie’s her top pupil.

Now really, it’s no secret I think Katie is amazing. Her marathon-running, jet-setting mommy ass is completely inspirational. Her clothes and style truly are exceptional. But her smile is missing and that, it seems, is a missing part of her character. Just because you’re all grown up, doesn’t mean you can’t crack a smile, love. Learn it, live it. Tell Posh to take a hike!

Just my two cents, dahlings. Happy Hump Day. *mwah*

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Yodel-ay-hee-ewwwww!

Why do I suddenly feel like yodeling? Ah, wait. Perhaps it’s this horribly wretched outfit that sexay thang Gisele Bundchen is sporting. WTF is this all about, anyway? Yeah, this was a fashion show, and yes, rarely is anything in a fashion show even remotely wearable in the real world, but damn! I’ve got Mountain Goat Fever here looking at this ensemble.

Gisele, dahling, I know this designer is paying you all kinds of money to drape this over your rockin bod, but perhaps you could head back to Vickie’s and stick to million dollar bras and angel wings? That’s the way we like you. Oh, and hanging all over Mr. SexyHot, Tom Brady, of course. Rowr.

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Berry’s Baby Bump

Boy, there are a whole lot of bumps going on in Hollywood right now. Has it been extra cold over there or something? Sheesh. No matter, Bump Watch is always a fun past time, and I am totally looking forward to seeing what Jessica Alba and Nicole Kidman brew up. I’ll bet they’ll be sickeningly cute and stylish. But for now, one bump reigns supreme: Halle Berry’s.

Look how damn hot she is here. She’s absolutely gorgeous and that dress is totally appropriate and glamorous. She has got to be dying in those sky-high heels, and that makes me love them that much more. The best part? You can tell Halle’s been taking care of herself. She looks healthy – not like a Hollywood Super-Stick – and that is both refreshing and encouraging.

This chick should make all the Preggies of the world damn proud. Celebrate the bump, Halle, dahling! You. Da. Woman!

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Katie Holmes at the Critic’s Choice Awards

The race is on and Katie Holmes and Reese Witherspoon are neck and neck in the great debate of Hollywood’s Top Style Icon. But I hafta say, Katie’s look at Sunday’s Critic’s Choice Awards may be enough to push her into the top spot. She looked stunning, yet real. I half expect her to have some running gear or Mom threads under that fabulous dress, and some tennies backstage so she can interchange between her different “lives”.

But Reese rocks, too, so damn. Tough call.

Have you voted in my poll yet? If not, hop over to the right sidebar and let your voice be heard!

Photo Credit: Just Jared

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Is Katie Holmes Your #1 Gal?

Yeah, I’ll admit it. Mrs. Cruise, aka Katie Holmes, has got me seriously rethinking my favorite Hollywood Style Mavens. I mean, has this chick come a long way or what? She’s gone from Tom’s young and giggly couch-jumping inspiration to the epitome of class, sophistication, and Bad-Ass Momdom (um, hello. When was the last time you ran a marathon during the day, then strapped on your stilettos for a movie premier at night? Huh? Huh?)

Anyhoo, for a while I’ve had a poll in the sidebar asking you to vote for your favorite Style Icon, but I’ve updated that and am now asking for a new vote. This time I’ll let you add your own choices, but the four gals on the list happen to be my faves – I just can’t decide who I like best.

So if the thought of the Iowa and New Hampshire Caucusses make your eyes cross, or you’re just sick of trying to discern whether Hilary is more fashionable than Obama, I’ll give your mind a break and just have you vote for your favorite Hollywood Style Icon instead. You’re welcome.

Now, vote away. Tell your friends. Make your voice be heard. Long live the principles of democracy (and high fashion!)

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Everyone’s allowed to be hypocritical every now and again, dahlings. Always remember that.

Okay, now that I put that out there, let’s all take a moment to drool over how white is done right with these ladies, as opposed to the chicklets below.

Sophia Bush – My least favorite in this set, which almost landed in my “Reject” pile due to the fact that everything I’ve seen her in lately is just kind of boxy and way too short for her. But the fact that she spiced this up with the skinny belt (which I find a very hard trend to pull off) and million-watt smile redeemed her. But it was close.

Nicky Hilton – By far a totally classy look, but I find this dress a little shapeless for her slender bod. I do adore the neckline, however, and the length is great for her. I think with a little waist-cinching, this would have been perfecto. (I’m a bit distracted by the shoes, though. I want to love them, but damn, they’re like boats! Girl’s got some big ‘ol hooves on her, doesn’t she?)

Hilary Swank – I’m starting to think I need to add Hilary Swank to my list of Style Icons, like, swiftly. She almost always looks incredible, and this dress takes the cake. I’m not usually a big proponent of The Bubble Dress, but this one seems a little less obnoxious than the others and the neckline and all-over drapiness is simply superb. Add in the sleek hair, flawless makeup and all the right accessories and this gets my big ‘ol Snarky Stamp of Approval.

Katie Holmes – Another one whose style is almost never-miss these days. As much as I dig Hilary’s look, I like Katie’s even more. The fact that she used all the right winter whites and paired them up with one helluva kick-ass coat makes this chick shoot to my #1 spot in a hurry. Her shoes, hair and all-over grace have won me over completely. I absolutely adore, adore, adore this look and love the fact that Katie’s bringing back a Hollywood glamour and air of sophistication that has been missing for a long time. Outstanding!

So who gets your vote, dahlings? If you could borrow any one of these outfits, whose would it be? I’ll make some calls and see what kind of loan I can float for you. I mean, me and Katie’s people are likethis.

What? I’m totally serious.

Heh.

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Just WTF is Going on Here?!?

Uhhh…..

Dahlings, what in the hell has happened to this gorgeous supercouple? Seriously, I have not seen a photo of Victoria and David Beckham this hideous in, like, ever. It’s rare to ever see a pic where these two are not looking at the top of their game, but this…this is despicable. I feel like I’m watching some wretched Dick Tracy movie unfold in front of my eyes, only in this version, the heroine’s round mounds are tanned beyond insanity and her face is so droid-like pointy and over-the-top made-up that it’s scaring little children away.

Add to the mix the fact that both of these kids are having horrible, horrible hair days, and Gah! In my snarky opinion, Becks needs to stick with longer and messier, with some blond highlights, not an all-over peroxide rinse. And in my mind, there is a damned good reason Posh has the cutest hairdo ever (normally) – because she looks awful with her hair pulled away from her face like this!

Yanno Loves, at this point, I am ready to pretend I have never even seen this photo. I keep hoping it’s a deception of my eyes, that I’ll awaken to find a perfectly kick-ass pic of these two on my Home Page and that this all was a bad, bad nightmare.

Please, Sandman, make it so…

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Damn, Them Jeans Be Tight!

Oh, it’s so good to be back, dahlings. Ain’t Christmas just a killer? Sure, it’s all warm and fuzzy and what not, but goddang does it ever put a cramp in my snarky style. Couple that with the endless hours I spent hurling my brains out (and not because I drank too heavily, unfortunately) and I’m just plain glad to see the day go. But whatev. Hope your holidays were delightful, my lovelies. Gawd knows they had to have been better than mine.

Anyhoo, back to the business of fashion critiquing. Ahhhh…

Let’s have a moment with Mimi herself, Ms. Mariah Carey. Now, let me just say that I’m glad the girl’s doing so well, I truly am, but shouldn’t someone with her bank account be able to score some britches that fit properly? I mean, skinny jeans are one thing, but how this chick managed to avoid Camel Toe here, I will never know. She must’ve just gotten lucky with the camera angle, I guess.

One the plus side, her makeup is totally fab and I love the flash of boobage she’s sharing with the world, so it’s not all bad. She just needs to rethink her denim selections after the next time she bellies up to the buffet table at a soiree. Give yourself two days to let go of the bloat, that’s what I always say. Until then, looser pants are great, but skirts are even better. Take note, Ms. C.

(Pssst! Damn, that felt good! Sooo good to be back. I missed you dahlings!) *mwah*

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Busted! (With Bad Clothes On!)

Who cares about rumors of infidelity, what Eva Longoria really ought to be concerned with is her fashion indiscretions.

Seriously, dahlings, just WTF is up with the pleated shorts? Last I knew “Dockers” was not a brand name synonymous with high-style celeb fashion. And the jacket, while cute in that C-3PO-ish sort of way, looks totally out of place with those crazy-horrid short pants of hers.

And yes, yes, yes, I realize that large handbags are still in (although I silently pray for their slow death to come to a head right quick here), the fact that this satchel is about one-third the size of Eva is a tad frightening. Just what exactly is that tiny woman carrying in there, anyway? No wonder she brought Tony along with her on her errands.

Overall, this usually-loyal Eva fan is not grooving on this look. She needs to stick with cute little dresses and jeans with itty-bitty tees. That’s the Eva we know and love is it not, my loves?

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