Snarkstress » Spencer Pratt

Heidi and Spencer Appear Again

The Snarkstress — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:43:20 +0000

Oh hello Speidi! I thought that perhaps you had tired of your never-ending search for more and more and more publicity and was hoping that you had just scurried away forever. But what have I found? That Heidi and Spencer have returned to the public eye.

Here they are walking in Times Square after an appearance on The Alexa Chung Show. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to laugh at them again as I have so many times before. Why do they keep doing this to themselves? They look soooo incredibly awkward together that no one is buying that they have anything more than a socialite/publicist relationship. Spencer is just Heidi’s publicist right?

Spencer is sporting his signature scary bug eyes, Jimmy Neutron hairstyle, and fake smile. Heidi just looks scared and uncomfortable as her tiny body is being eaten by a large hairy object. Poor sad reality nitwits.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Speidi Are Still Obnoxious Fame Whores

The Snarkstress — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 14:00:50 +0000

You have to be pretty pathetic and narcissistic to walk around all day with a copy of your nearly nude girlfriend on the cover of a magazine. I realize you two haven’t had much to do lately, but wouldn’t this have been a nice moment for Heidi and Spencer time? Quiet reflection on how completely and utterly made for each other you two are – both being such obnoxious fame whores and all.

Yes, on two more separate occasions Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were seen posing with Heidi’s upcoming issue of Playboy. The first picture is of Heidi and Spencer outside of CUT Steakhouse in Beverly Hills after celebrating Pratt’s 26th birthday. The second photo is from the day before when they took Playboy out for some frozen yogurt.

Image: Fame Pictures

But the catch? The really humorous part of all this? When you’re waving a copy of your airbrushed face in front of the paparazzi, it can’t be surprising to find that they subsequently compare the pristine pages created by Playboy’s photo retouchers to actuality…where Heidi has flaws like the rest of us – including a prominent cluster of zitsvisible on her chin.

It may not be justice for being so ridiculously annoying, but it sure is amusing.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Speidi Looking No Worse, But Also No Better

The Snarkstress — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 01:39:59 +0000

As much as I can’t stand these two blonde bobbleheads, there’s something almost precocious and endearing about newlyweds, Spencer and Heidi Pratt. With her big old fake lips and his painfully bad facial hair, they are a disaster of a couple so obviously desperately seeking approval from the masses.

Either Spencer and Heidi are seriously the biggest idiots in the world or they are actually two insanely brilliant people – because we keep watching. Regardless, it’s endlessly entertaining to see them posing for the camera, giving it all they got in order to tack ona few more brief seconds to their fifteen minutes of fame.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Mr. & Mrs. Pratt Run Into Janice Dickinson

The Snarkstress — Thu, 14 May 2009 11:43:15 +0000

This scares me on so many levels. When Janice Dickinson, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are all in the same location, the level of self involvement and vanity in the air is almost unbearable.

First of all, Janice’s shoes look an awful lot like orthopedic loafers. Maybe if her legs weren’t revealing her actual age (sorry honey, no matter how skinny you are or how much plastic surgery you get, age spots and veins give away the truth), the shoes wouldn’t be such a problem, but in this context, she looks like she was up all night working the graveyard shift at the hospital, not like she is/was/thinks she was the World’s First Supermodel.

And now..the Pratts.

You two are so made for each other. I can’t even spend the time being annoyed with your stupid antics anymore because I’m just so grateful that you have paired up and no one else might unwittingly marry either of you. Was blue really the only color available? Are you two always going to match so perfectly? I do hope so, because this is a rather entertaining get up right here. I hope you two stay together and we have fifty more years left of you clinging desperately to you fifteen minutes of fame with more pathetic attempts at recording music, maybe a few tell all books and of course, posed paparazzi encounters such as this.

Image: INF

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What Do You Wear To See Morons Get Married?

The Snarkstress — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 18:07:40 +0000

If you were invited to see a couple of the most vapid, fake, pseudo-Hollywood people out there, such as the two bobbleheads below, get married…what would you wear?

Naturally the first decision is…do you go? But if you are Lauren Conrad, with an MTV army of stylists and resources behind you…you go. You have to go. Not going is like admitting defeat and there is no way anyone would ever want to be defeated by the Montag-Pratt pair of obnoxious nitwits.

Lord, these two are insanely annoying.

Alright, so you’re obviously going. But the decision still needs to be made – what do you wear?

Image: INF

You wear something glamourous, sexy, and feminine without being frilly or overly romantic.

You wear something damn near perfect and pretty without looking like you’re even trying. You wear this gorgeous blue dress, all classic and effortless – just to show off just how fake and plastic your former best friend is.

I may not like you all that much, Lauren, but I admire your style here. Well played. Point for Conrad.

Image: INF

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Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag: Taking the Ken & Barbie Schtick Too Far

Liberty Kontranowski — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:49:00 +0000

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag

Well, dahlings, it appears as though Pretty Boy Spencer Pratt and Beautiful Girl Heidi Montag, are taking things a bit too far in the “How-close-can-we-possibly-look-to-Ken-and-Barbie” department.

I mean, come on.

Since this is Spence’s standby dressed-up look, I’ll excuse everything but his crappy posture. But Heidi? Lawda mercy. Girlfriend’s hair screams “Wedding Day Barbie” and the slip, er, dress, screams “Wedding Day Barbie’s Honeymoon in Nashville goes awry”.

And don’t even get me started on those gawdawful, ugly-ass golden blocks on her feet. Gah!

So, I suppose it’s pretty obvious that I am very much packing up my Snarkstress Seal of Approval and saving it for when these two decide to look like human humans and not doll-like humans. Yanno?

Wonder if that will ever happen…

Image used with permission from splashnewsonline.com

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