Well, Lordy Be. Seems Amy Winehouse must be reading her some Snarkstress, hm dahlings? As I suggested, she’s ditched her platinum hive in lieu of heading back to black…all while gearing up to head back to rehab.

It’s actually great to see her funky ass back in the dark. It just wasn’t the same having her as a blond. Now let’s hope she takes some time to straighten out and get the help she needs. It’s such a pity to watch such a talented chick throw her life in the toilet, yanno?

P.S. Is it wrong that I kind of like her outfit in this photo, too??? Sigh.

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Shiny, Happy Hilary

Whoa, now. Is Miss Hilary Duff getting a bit edgy for her britches, or is it just moi? Girlfriend be looking metallic today. As in, taking the metallic trend a bit over the edge. Quite a bit.

But yanno, I’m thinking she may be competing in a Tough Girl contest here or something. The super-shiny short jumpsuit, the weight-lifting gloves, the back-support belt, the wild and crazy curls – yeah, those all scream “Competition” to me. I’m just wondering what kind of view the fine folks behind her will be getting when she bends over to lift her curl bar…Gah!

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Damn, Them Jeans Be Tight!

Oh, it’s so good to be back, dahlings. Ain’t Christmas just a killer? Sure, it’s all warm and fuzzy and what not, but goddang does it ever put a cramp in my snarky style. Couple that with the endless hours I spent hurling my brains out (and not because I drank too heavily, unfortunately) and I’m just plain glad to see the day go. But whatev. Hope your holidays were delightful, my lovelies. Gawd knows they had to have been better than mine.

Anyhoo, back to the business of fashion critiquing. Ahhhh…

Let’s have a moment with Mimi herself, Ms. Mariah Carey. Now, let me just say that I’m glad the girl’s doing so well, I truly am, but shouldn’t someone with her bank account be able to score some britches that fit properly? I mean, skinny jeans are one thing, but how this chick managed to avoid Camel Toe here, I will never know. She must’ve just gotten lucky with the camera angle, I guess.

One the plus side, her makeup is totally fab and I love the flash of boobage she’s sharing with the world, so it’s not all bad. She just needs to rethink her denim selections after the next time she bellies up to the buffet table at a soiree. Give yourself two days to let go of the bloat, that’s what I always say. Until then, looser pants are great, but skirts are even better. Take note, Ms. C.

(Pssst! Damn, that felt good! Sooo good to be back. I missed you dahlings!) *mwah*

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‘Scuse me, but did I miss the memo about the Horse Look making a re-emergence? WTF is Janet thinking here? I know I’m thinking “I’ll put twenty on Street Sense”, how ’bout you, dahlings? And at the same time, I’m having flashbacks of my eighth-grade fashion disasters. Gah! This is killing me. Where’s my drink?

Now, I must say here: this photo was taken at some sort of release shindig for JJ’s fiance, Jermaine Dupri’s, new book. So that said, I guess it doesn’t matter one fig what she’s wearing, because she’ll be wearing it all the way to the bank. Hmph.

In other news, she looks so nice and healthy here. Toned and confident, with great hair and makeup…like the Janet of yore.

(Just too bad her clothes reek of yore, eh?)

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Who knew I’d be able to make this Wig Week here at Snarkstress? Sheesh, between Paris and now Brit-Brit, I’ve got enough Shredder Fodder to last for days.

I do have to snicker (all right, guffaw), because don’t you find it hilarious that Britney has taken to wearing wigs at the same time she’s wigging out in real life? Ah, how I love irony, my dahlings. (This shot, incidentally, was taken the same day she turned herself in for that whole hit-and-run brouhaha. Which leads me to my next point – if she has a suspended license, why in the hell is she driving in every flipping photo taken of her lately? Am I missing something?)

Another matter to be addressed here: the length of her skirt/dress/shirt/whatever it is. Gah! Have we not learned any lessons from the past, Brit? Hopefully she’s at least made a point to cash in her “Free Panty” card from Vickie’s. Some chicks never learn. Sigh.

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So I’m not sure I would’ve pegged J. Lo as a Private Pregger. I figured she’d be flaunting her bump all over the block. I guess I figured wrong. Instead, she’s taken to hiding out in these tenty-ass dresses, hiding the natural beauty that a pregnant chick has. I find it a shame, really. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t like the in-your-face Mommas-to-Be that run around in midriff-sporting camis, but I’m not buying into this camp-worthy look either. I would’ve expected more from our girl. Gawd knows we’ve all been waiting long enough to share this big news with her, now she’s going to be all coy and hide it from us? Sheesh.

In other news, I gotta ask: what in the hell was she thinking when she (or her stylist) sent her out in that severe-pullback hairdo (on the left)? Instant face lift? I smell a nasty headache coming from that style, Jen. Really.

So anyway, have a great Friday, dahlings. Sorry for the late post today. I have a good excuse, but you’ll forgive me if I bribe you with a nice, strong drinkie, won’t you? Thanks, I thought so. I’ve taught you well.

Now go – it’s Happy Hour time! *clink*

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I’ll wait a sec as the collective “Ewwwww” from the audience subsides…

Yeah, still waiting.

I know. Isn’t it almost grotesque?

Okay, are we done now? Let’s see here. Where to begin? Well, we have the exposed rib cage to your left. The punching bag-like girls in the center. The “Where’s-my-goddamn-blush-brush-oh-wait-this-giant-powder-puff-will-have-to-do” pink cheeks. The wrinkly-ass back, which I find really odd since she is pretty damn skinny. What’s not to love here?

Oh, the dress. Yeah, that. Well, assuming this is not part of the Courtney Love Freak Show Halloween Couture line, I’m not sure it’s appropriate for…well, anything. BUT, you gotta give the ‘ol gal props for strutting her stuff like she’s all that. Which she’s not. Gawd, is she not.

Sorry to subject you to this, my lovies. Don’t take a nap anytime soon – nightmares await.

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I’m about ready to wrap up my Emmy coverage here dahlings, but would I ever be remiss if I didn’t address this train wreck. Yeah, the chick is loopy, I get it; but surely she must have noticed her tata coming out to greet the world, right? I know it’s covered and all, but still. Is the dress supposed to be this way? If so, the designer needs to lay off the Mickies before putting pen to paper. If this is an accident, well then our dear Paula is in worse shape than even Simon gives her credit for.

On the plus side, she looks great otherwise. I totally dig this color on her, her bod is rocking and her makeup looks great (hair could use a trim, however.) I do worry about the hemline here – short peeps need to be conscious of the fact that all it takes is one misstep before the Red Carpet leaves a nasty rug rash.

Hope you enjoyed the Snarkstress Emmy Coverage, dahlings. A huge amount of props going out to E for each and every Emmy picture featured here this week.

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What was I just saying a couple days ago about Jess taking fashion cues from her ‘lil sis? Check out this link if you don’t remember: My gospel

Now, do you see what I mean? Is it even disputable who’s looking hotter these days? C’mon, Jess, let’s bring it, already. Ash has been all over the mag covers (and not the rag mags, I might note.) Of course, being on the arm of Mr. Pete Wentz isn’t exactly hurting her image, but still….

So where are you, Jess? Oh yeah, in your bathroom, searching for more Ace bandages to fashion a “dress” out of. Ugh. Spare me.

Wait…did I just say “Spare me?” Uh. I’m going whacked, dahlings!

Oh well, it’s Friday. Happy Hour starts early on Fridays. Like right now.

*Kiss, kiss*

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Welp, dahlings, here it is. The Be All and End All WTF?!? outfit from the MTV Video Music Awards. And you thought Britney looked bad…

Word on the street is that the “Lip Gloss” rapper, Lil’ Mama, was only dressing the part, yanno, since she’s known as the “baby” rapper. Baby as in young. I guess. Whatever. Baby or not, there’s nobody, nowhere that needs to be having a tricked-out pacifier like that. Particularly at an awards show.

Sigh.

Okay, time for my midday dip into the liquor cabinet. See you at Happy Hour!

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