Snarkstress » Musicians

Miley Cyrus on Sex & the City 2

The Snarkstress — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:47:23 +0000

Woah woah woah!! Ok I was about to totally FREAK about Miley’s outfit in this pic…for so many reasons it is just so inapprop for Hannah Montana even if she is trying to transition into adulthood. Let’s remember the Vanity Fair drama please!!

But then, lucky for her, I realized that she is on the set of Sex & The City 2…in costume!! Whew! I was imagining that Billy Ray sent her out the door in this outfit and said, Go get ‘em honey! Supposedly she doesn’t actually have any lines in SATC2, but this outfit definitely speaks a few lines on its own. Now we get to spend the next few months wondering why the heck she could be wearing this…

I’m going to admit that the boots are pretty cute and I kind of want them, but the push-up bra action just makes me feel super uncomfortable. No one wants to be caught checking out Miley Cyrus’ cleavage. And I REALLY hope there is a good story behind that Brontosaurus necklace.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Nicole Richie Wears Birdcage Shoes

The Snarkstress — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:33:31 +0000

You know what’s fun to do only weeks after having a baby? Go out clubbing all night and leave your newborn baby at home! Nicole Richie and Joel Madden were spotted out and about leaving The Roxy in West Hollywood on Saturday sans baby. I would have to say that Nicole looks extremely scrawny for being a mama who just gave birth…but I’m definitely not surprised since that girl just loves to lose weight.

Nicole is wearing a pair of terribly uncomfortable looking shoes seemingly made from antique birdcages. Not that I wouldn’t wear shoes that are uncomfortable, but at least they should look good too. These just look yuck. And especially because she has paired them with pajamas. I guess she was too tired from taking care of her new baby to change out of her silk nightie before she went out. Joel looks pretty goofy with a red trilby and unbuttoned shirt. Let’s just assume that babies trumped appearance last night for the Richie-Madden duo.

Image: Fame Pictures

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Courtney Love Is Walking In The Rain

The Snarkstress — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 15:27:09 +0000

We never see much of Courtney Love these days, but it’s pretty well guaranteed when we do…there’s going to be something interesting to talk about.

Even though she can’t seem to keep her hair under control and out of her face, I will say that for as much damage as I’m sure that hair has seen…it’s looking reasonably healthy. It is possible that it’s just greasy, but I will give Courtney the benefit of the doubt and assume she’s been treating her blonde waves to some deep conditioning treatments.

Now the jacket…

Well, you’re caught in the rain on the sidewalks of New York. I can’t say I put that much effort into my raincoat choices either. It’s not my cup of tea, darling. But hopefully it’s keeping you dry.

I am a little bit concerned for how skinny you appear to be under there. The ghastly pale skin is not helping matters much either.

You look like you are on a good path here, Courtney. Maybe with a little time out in the sunshine, you might look almost…normal. But that would be crazy, right?

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Madge, Is That You Pimping Louis Vuitton?

The Snarkstress — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:54:59 +0000

Erm, Madge…I hate to be a downer, because honestly I’m just thrilled to see you back in something that isn’t a paparazzi candid where your face is 80% covered by a big floppy hat.

But…

Exactly how many hours went into airbrushing this image into the fake, soft as a baby’s bottom look you have going on right here in this Louis Vuitton ad?

Image: Flynet Pictures

Sure, everything is retouched these days. But honey, did they have to take everything edgy and appealing about you and your iconic self and erase it?

The outfit is outrageously fabulous and the colours are suitably dark and moody. But I’m just so disappointed that instead of Madonna in this photo, I’m looking at her 22 year old plastic doppleganger who I’m sorry to say is way less interesting.

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Jack White’s Awful Triangle Head

The Snarkstress — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:47:57 +0000

Curlyhaired girls all over the world know what I’m talking about when I say Jack White has a serious case of Triangle Head at the “It Might Get Loud” Premiere in Los Angeles.

Remember Cathy? The annoying comic strip that starred a girl with a single frumpy outfit and a bad case of the frizzies? Cathy had Triangle Head.

You see, when curls aren’t properly shaped and cared for, they hate you. They will do everything they can to make your world a miserable place and cause people to laugh and stare when they walk by you on the street.

Image: INF

I can’t tell, nor do I really care, if Jack White has any idea how awful his hair looks (or, for that matter how horribly pasty and sallow his skin is) but it would do him some good to get that ugly mop shaped and properly conditioned.

No one should resemble a bad comic strip.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Hipsters Embarrassing Hipsters

The Snarkstress — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 17:08:16 +0000

Has there ever been a more awkward scene than this? Mark Ronson lays a smooch on his lady love of the moment, Josephine de La Baume, while his fedora loving sister, Samantha Ronson kicks rocks and waits for them to wrap it up.

Mark actually looks pretty delicious, but what is Josephine wearing? Just because your a socialite doesn’t mean you get to make up your own style rules, honey. Every single thing about this outfit is a wreck. Not a Lohan kind of wreck, but a disheveled “I just picked up the first thing I could find on the floor so I could hurry out and meet up with my famous boyfriend..!!!” vibe.

I can’t wait until the Ronsons have their own reality TV show.

Image: Bauer Griffin

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Taboo and Will.i.am of Black Eyed Peas

The Snarkstress — Sat, 23 May 2009 07:37:03 +0000

Usually the men are free from the Snarkstress’ wrath — not today. Taboo and Will.i.am of the hip-hop group Black Eyed Peas posed for photographers outside of the Metropolitan Hotel in London. And though I’m a fan of Black Eyed Peas, I’m definitely not a fan of Taboo’s yellow and black ensemble.

Image: Bauer Griffin

Unless he’s trying to signal airplanes, he is really wearing far too much bright yellow. This color yellow is okay as an accent piece, but not as your shirt, shoes and even sunglasses. And as much as I was displeased with Taboo’s look, don’t get me started on Will.i.am.

Image: Bauer Griffin

I’m not sure what to even say about this ensemble. A turquoise, purple and black ombre leather jacket with lavender jeans tucked into boots?

I’m convinced some people don’t look in the mirror before leaving the house (or the hotel, in this case).

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Jo Wood’s Unusual Underwear Decisions

The Snarkstress — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 23:46:11 +0000

You get a certain amount of leeway when your dirtbag musician ex-husband has taken up with a 20 year old Russian after a gazillion years of marriage. Boatloads of leeway.

But there isn’t enough leeway in the world to compensate for Jo Wood’s choice of attire to celebrate the birthday of her friend, British model Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely. Everything from the earrings to the copper American Apparel underwear, and little else, is just a mess of bad style that is way out of her age bracket.

These clothes and accessories should really never be thrown together for a woman who is of any age bracket, but especially when people are looking to see what your next move is in the relationship untangling sequence…a little more forethought (and pants) and less of this mess would be preferable.

I don’t even want to know what the shirt says.

Image: Splash News

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Is Justin Timberlake Disguised as Waldo?

The Snarkstress — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:10:10 +0000

If you have achieved a certain amount of notoriety, perhaps it makes sense to adopt an alternate persona. From the looks of things, Justin Timberlake has determined that nothing spells discretion like dressing up as if you are a character from a popular children’s book. Timberlake’s Waldo glasses are paired with a scarf that makes me wonder if he really thinks lavender is his color…or if Jessica just picked it out for him.

Either way, this is a step in the wrong direction, dear JT – I suggest you go home and find some casual wear that doesn’t include such…ahh…”distinctive” accessory items.

Image: Newscom

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Not Going Ga-Ga Over Lady GaGa’s Get-Up

Liberty Kontranowski — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 15:09:18 +0000

Well now. I have to say that I am on the verge of being appalled when I look at this photo of Lady GaGa, set to perform with her band.

Now, let me be clear. I’m all for taking risks. I’m all for flashy performance-time outfits. I’m even all for frisky black leather on occasion. But I am NOT for trashy, bathing suit-esque hoochie mama get-ups with mongo leather bows and dominatrix gloves under any circumstances. None at all.

I’m starting to wonder if the pukey economy is beginning to work its way into Hollywood, putting all the one-time sensible stylists out of a job. Oh, I know that stars have always made gasp-worthy fashion choices along the way, but at least you could count on some halfway decent selections here and there. This, in no way, could be considered a “decent selection”. *shudder*

Lady, next time you’re heading out to perform, take a quick peek in the mirror and/or ask a friend. Or you could always give me a call, too. I’ll give you a straight-up opinion, that’s fer damn sure!

Image: Bauer-Griffin

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